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A simplified world of black and white
I AM WHO I AM
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 PROFILE
GRACCI.
A simplified world of black and white. Where black is black and white is white. No more shades of grey to please anyone. No more lies. No more deception. No more pretense. No one else but I decides my own destiny. I am who I am. The real me... — Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close TAGBOARD
WHISPER TO ME, THE BEAUTIFUL SECRETS.
AFFILIATES
IT'S A BIG BIG WORLD.
REMINISCENES
MY FADED MEMORIES.
Credits
SPONTANEOUS APPLAUDS.
©Glamouresque. |
Monday, February 27, 2012
“As I think about the past,
“As I think about the past, the tears will come out. Reality is too cruel, too brutal. I don’t even have the right to dream. As I think about the future, the tears will come out again.”-One litre of tears I keep telling myself what's the use of picking urself up or even wiping away your tears everytime you fall down when the very next moment, you know you would be felled down again and again... Why even bother to close your eyes and dream when the very instant you open ur eyes, reality unravels its very ugly side that leaves all ur hopes dashed and dreams shattered... What's the point of having a dream when only tears truly understand the price it had to pay... What's even the point of living if existing merely translastes into breathing in and out slowly to maintain whatever remaining sanity in you...? Saturday, February 18, 2012
等待，等待，再等待，心儿已等碎
为何美丽的未来竟像极遥远的梦。。。
我，究竟还要等多久？
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
EMPTINESS
思念的勇气(a song): 若泪能挽回你 我愿泪水是一江河 就算满泪等待快淹没我心 我仍一心一意盼你回头 若不能留下来 至少牵着我一同飞 让我们俩是打了结的风筝 此生注定谁也离不开谁 泪水哭干了 为何你仍硬着心别过了头 也许越过了风雨依然会是空 但能不能为我点燃希望的蜡烛 即使曙光很微弱 也别让我对憧憬失去了勇气 失去了才宝贵(a song)： 雪花飘落的瞬间 我怎么才遗憾 之间如此遥远的距离 相拥的未来不再交错 为何当时你的付出 不曾让我心跳过 雪花染红之际 我明白美好时光因我装懵懂 已化为一场虚空 若时间允许 只愿它停留在擦肩而过的一刻 好让我伸出手 那雪花融化在我心田上 THE MASKED WOMAN She hid behind a black veil enveloped by the misty black aura her life story was akin to a maze as black as pitch darkness that whoever entered it never did unravel the little black secrets coated under her lies yet within those icy hard black irises none saw the miseries that she bore on her fragil black form for she was the imfamously black masked woman COMPARISON In a cup world the limelight falls on brands such as Coca Cola, Ribena, F&N and what more but i'm merely just plain water contained in a damaged glass with a damged hole that keeps widening till i slowly turn half-empty and today again another crystal drop leaked out of the clear cool surface is a pained tear left unseen. I NEED A CAUSE FOR EVERYTHING IF all my miseries right now amount to the best gift at the end I'd be most willing to take on any challenges but tell me what good cause am I suffering for this time round? DESTINED LONERS We stood at opposite ends of the road face to face but our minds were lingered on other distractions The green man flashed our shoulders brushed past ever so lightly but we walked away like any unknown strangers would do Fate has allowed our paths to cross more than that one time but why did we not have the courage to even love? SUICIDAL THOUGHTS I heard that there's a heaven up above where all worries were unheard of and little birds chirped the sweet lullaby that floated my heart on cloud nine So take me there I don't want to be entangled in this ugly tattered fate where I've lost myself not just once nor twice to even entertain the prettiness of an ugly death I think I'm going mad every night my mind conjured gruesome nightmares on how I could end this once and for all So please take me there that's where I want my tired heart to finally take a rest eternally. SWEETTALK NOT SWEET AT ALL you fill my world with sweettalks like colourful balloons lighting up the plain blue sky those coated words are like candies that only serve to melt my heart in that instant so loving--- my girlfriends said i gave in--- that's what i did in the end but you know what your words no matter how sweet only echo in the depths of my heart merely isolating me emptying my already empty heart babe love isn't just words it's also actions NOT LIKE ME I'm sorry It's not that I don't see your tears you see--- I was also once a star shining ever so radiantly in the milky universe the gentle wind blew all my love for the moon but one day a storm tore away all my lullabies my joy my love i know clearly you are just the past me it's not worthy just to waste your youth on me I don't want you hurt just like how I was for my crystal drops are finite just as how my heart has already turned to stone CATCH A BREATHE I yearned for a fresh beginning just as how i wished my kiddy past would never be made known to me but i feel its pulse tugging at my heartstrings every intake every breathe every gush of blood rush every heartbeat fluttering alongside with me I just want to grow up to catch a breathe little breathe big breathe but it doesn't matter anymore I'm still a child inside afterall Wednesday, January 25, 2012
HCNY
Hahas, here's a joke from Milian: (H)wa (C)hong (N)an (Y)ang = (H)APPY (C)HINESE (N)EW (Y)EAR peepsssss!!! Ok, thought it was damn cool, thumbs up to Chua Milian!!!:P erm, I guess Chinese New Year was very fun:) Day before 除夕夜: Went to grandma's house to 拜个特早年, 顺便吃年货, 变成大肥猪;D had lots of fun and laughter, reminds me of my childhood where I always go to my grandma's house to eat, sleep, play and 胡搞。Then, I spent the night there, and there's like music pumping through the air cos their house is like very near to the 夜市，so got lots of feel:D and of course, I couldnt really sleep well, partly cos of the festive music, but also because of the stupid timely arrival of my damn red friend. Irritating!!! Anw, my 舅舅bought us mee goreng at midnight(which I didnt eat unfortunately) cos I was too 贪睡，醒不来！！！ 除夕夜: Depart from Grandma's house. Went back home. Put on nice clothes(sth that my parents always insist, though I keep saying that it's such a waste to dirty your clothes in the hot humid atmosphere while eating and shopping in Chinatown) Yeah, waste of petrol right? Boon Lay--> Chinatown -->Boon Lay -->Chinatown o_O Haiz, anw we returned to Chinatown to have our reunion dinner. Steamboat!!! Chicken soup VS 麻辣(中). Aka me VS my parents lllT.T anw, the point is I got stuffed till so full, eating all the noodles(my fav "catch" of the day!!!), prawns(very fresh), flower crabs(very sweet meat), meatballs, sotong balls, fish(so tender:)), popiah, fried food, vege(:D), red-bean 馒头(外酥内软, 棒极了), etc before ending off with a touch of gentle jamine green tea aroma(damn my red friend, cant drink too many cold drinks). After which we proceeded to 夜市, which was quite disappointing cos it lacks the festive spirit from previous years. And there were lesser stalls selling lesser goods with lesser people 逛街ing also. In the end, it sort of rained a bit and we just headed back to sleep. Except that I didnt sleep cos I've got a mission on hand: 守岁(家庭万岁，守岁还不是为了您， 您可要对我说声：辛苦你了，小妹^ ^ hehe). But it ended quite fail, cos I dozed off from 10pm to 11.57pm before making a futile attempt to last till 12.47am. Then, I gave up and hit the pillow straightaway:D 还是睡觉万岁好了... 初一: My mum and I 决定组织个烹饪合作团队。Only two ppl( My dad kindly counted himself out of this grand event) involved. My mum ended up being the 厨师 and I became the 小助理。那就先祝自己合作愉快。actually, i realised that my mum and I really formed a great team. Both opposite personalities, opposite coooking skills and techniques, opposite appetite, opposite people actually could 擦出火花来。一会儿chop chop chop, 一会儿peel peel peel, 一会儿wash wash wash(my mum is very super clean, hygience level in our kitchen is A grade ok*o*), 一会儿手忙脚乱（起火，关火，加水，加盐、胡椒、麻油、油、鸡蛋、粉、etc），却忘了加料O.o (啊！！！快加啊！！！） .........................................................................................................................................................................乒乒乓乓一番美味佳肴出场了^-^ 有年糕、有鸡蛋、有蒜、有虾、有鱼、有。。。哎呀，总之什么都有啦:P even my dad 赞ok :D Mission accomplished. Then, went out to 小桂林 and 照相! Lots of posing and photos, other ppl still thought we are there for shooting or sth lor, hahaas:D it actually rained there, so it was quite romantic...except it was the wrong ppl walking with me under the umbrella, hahas:) glancing at the slightly green water(eutrophication?), i was reminded of cases of victims who swam in 桂林 and drowned:( So tragic, no wonder 老天爷also 掉眼泪:( haiz. Then, went to eat chicken fried rice, seafood mee goreng and seafood bee hoon goreng at some Indian stall. Very very nice leh!!! And finally, ended off with a touch of gentle jasmine green tea aroma(erm, WTH, green tea almost everyday?! hahas, but i was the one who suggested it so yeah:)) Cant drink too much cold drinks still, but a sip or two wont die right:D Then, at night, I watched some movies(which was quite lame and funny but didnt note down its name) and one particular movie that I loved was 叶问2。I thought the movie was very very nice, with very good actors who knew how to fight well, and with very good lessons to takeaway. I find Ip Man very inspiring cos he only fights when needed and his Wing Chun skills are like really really pro. A fine man indeed. Of course, I really admired the actor acting as Ip Man cos he really fight very well and it's like he's always so calm even in the face of danger. Very good acting leh. My mum said he's Zeng Zi Dan...? Quite good looking also. Anyway, I really 佩服all the masters' spirit, like they will fight to death for the glory of Chinese Kung Fu. Hate the Westerners now and the whatever Twister boxer. Go twist your head instead lah!!! But, the movie still ended well so very the happy. But got a huge surprise when I came to know that Ip Man was a real person(and not a fiction character or sth) and was 李小龙's 师傅 somemore leh!!! Grace ah, you really need to brush up not only on your general knowledge, but also on historical facts!!! 初二: Never cook. But I went out with my parents again:) During lunch, we 捞鱼生. It was quite fun trying to compete who can 捞higher, but well, I ended up getting my fingers oily and stuff. And I couldnt remember much 吉祥话, so I could only say a few good wishes. But it's the thought that counts, so good enough lah. Afterall, simplicity is the best thing to me^ ^But the 鱼生(not just the fish lah) was very tasty, like a little bit sour yet a little bit sweeet. makes me 看了都垂涎三尺!!! My parents complained why I ate such a huge portion, never leave for them...(actually, the 鱼生was meant for 8 ppl, but WTH, it looks like I can ttly finish it up all at one go lor) and I was like feeling so 委屈, so i said "谁叫鱼生这么好吃，加上人家肚子饿吗，not my fault ok?" Then, I gave them the puppy eyes and my dad finally succumbed to my pleadings, "aiya, she wants to eat then eat more lah:)" and he even 夹a portion of his to me!!! Muhahahas, Im so evil. Persuasion is so important ok!!! In the evening, I watched 我的特务女友. Very interesting, but didnt manage to watch finish cos it was time for little puppy to get to bed. And I just lay down and sleep........................................... But, I couldnt really sleep well(dont know why), I kept waking up at like 12am(when I thought it was alr 5am in the morning), 12.35am, 2.05am and blah blah blah. 犹豫在醉与醒的状态，最后才马马虎虎的睡醒。还好没有睡不醒。Reminds me of a Chinese New Year song "幸福来呀幸福来”，and someone joked to me about how “幸福来” sounds like "醒不来” Oh no!? Really bad leh. Anyway, today went back to school. Then found out that there was an English Diagnostic Test againo.O Haiz, actually I did know that there will be one this week, but I thought it was on Friday instead, but turned out to be today. Yeah, ttly smart me. Last week, I dont know there was a test, so still 情有可原，but today is sooooo....*beep* It's like knowing vs not knowing actually dont make any difference to me. Should name myself blur sotong from today onwards:) Anw, the test was quite hard, testing on grammar(yeah, I know. Easy for you, but honestly my grammar is 满江红 horrrr), sentence structure(still ok) and compre(one that was at least do-able) All MCQs, but I guess MCQs arent as easy as they seem. Ok, so the best thing in life is not really simplicity now -__- And then, we had some General Knowledge Test which I so happened to score 10/25!!! Super pro, congrats myself for having the skill to fail. anw, here's a quote that was really funny: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."~ Thomas A Edison. Yeah, probably, next time, I should find a million ways that wont work. Great job manzzzzz!!! :D hahas, now in a super the happy mood, not cos of CNY or anything lah!!! ^O^ going to read manga now"kaichou wa maid sama":)
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!
PRETTY PURE HEARTS
REMINISCENES New setting New faces New everything But why is my heart still held on to the past Never to let go. MISSING YOU If just thinking alone Can bring you back Why is it that Separated apart the miles of land You still can't feel my heartfelt wishes You still aren't by my side? GIVING UP Hope In the world of darkness Is a light That I will never lift my eyes to see For it has deceived me More than enough. "I LOVE YOU" I just want to be closer To snuggle up to you And to hear you breath out the magic phrase Except that this time I was too naive To think that you would even feel the same way as me. LOVING VS NOT LOVING Two guys One woman In a love triangle One indifferent One passionate One entangled in the sea of conflict The only choice to determine Her pain her joy DID IT MATTER? Missing you was bad enough Loving you hurts like Glass slicing open my heart The little tears slowly leaking out Your indifference were like salt pouring onto my already sore red wounds Like a small adult I clutched my broken heart and asked myself: Did it hurt? Did it matter? Oh yes it did; A lot. HOW TO RETURN A BROKEN HEART You stole my heart away You took care of it till you Flooded it with all your sweet memories Now Time flies and You've changed Deciding to return the heart You told me to forget All faded memories, even This broken love story But tell me How do you return a heart when it's already broken? Thursday, January 19, 2012
THE 100TH POST
hahas, I just realised that this is the 100th post for my blog. Ought to really celebrate it right^ ^ But out of ideas already. So let's just get the main point delivered. Ok, so yesterday, I was like riding on the bus, sitting on the 2nd deck. And then, I glanced down and saw a lady standing on the pavement. Suddenly, I thought to myself "If I were a murderer, she could have been such an easy target to shoot at." At that time, I can't help but shudder. First, why on earth am I thinking about murder and crime and to even think that I might actually be a potential assasinator in reality. Second, it was really very creepy to know that there might actually be many eyes watching us constantly, but we aren't even aware of it. Third, it's how our oblivious nature could have cost us our lives. Oh man, why am I even pondering on this issue... Recalling the incident now, I am really freaked out, maybe a little traumatised:( Is that how murderers kill people, like do it in the dark hour? Or do they just do it outfront? But seriously, if I were the murderer, I would take the first option. So here's the message of the day: BEWARE, THERE ARE EYES WATCHING!!! Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I'm like standing all alone
ok, so here, I wanna thank all FB wishes, sms wishes, email wishes, letter wishes and gifts from everyone:) At least, on 12th Jan, I wasnt alone, there were people who stood by me and reached out to me. But right now, I kinda of feel like I'm all alone... dont know why, but i feel suddenly so disappointed, like sth ripped apart inside me. It's like im standing at the edge of the world, everything drifting further and further away from me. I'm probably just forgotten, merely acting like an idiot and waiting for my doom. But suprisingly, when the world explodes right in front of you face, it makes no sound. It's just so silent, like you could only hear the faint beat of your heart. Thats' what I'm feeling now, it's ok if my heart's beating wildly, but im really afraid that any moment i would hear my heart stop fluttering. and it probably means im dead. Heart dead, at least. It's sch reopen. I feel weird and out of place. From the corridors, to the G.O.(is it called G.O. anymore?), to the Central Plaza, to the canteen, to the auditorium, to walking back the same old path back NYGH, I feel weird and out of place. Like I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time and definitely the wrong person wearing the wrong uniform living in the wrong era. I feel so small and insignificant. People may say that it's probably cos I havent cope with it. Maybe, but maybe not. I'm still afraid of many things. Today's GP diagnostic test scared me quite a bit(hahas, im like the only one who didnt know anyth at all, very scary) and to know that there's still one on 25th Jan, I really dont want to think about it. I mean it's IP activities right, all these can be left till later right? anyway, that's not the main point. I'm starting to worry about you know, all the new changes, new friends, new whatever... I really hope things do not change, but a part of me really hope to just break free from my past and never look at it again. Ok, i really dont know what im talking about, but i kinda of feel that I dont belong to HCI. I mean I dont even belong anywhere, not in Spore, not in sch, not anywhere at all. But when I walked back from HCI college section to high school to NY, it really brings back many heartfelt memories. Even to the point when I saw NYGH from the brigde, I dont know why, but I suddenly had an impulse to just cry. I suddenly felt so glad to be back in NYGH; like I'm suddenly sch-sick(WTH, I swore it never happened b4, this is the 1st time) I havent felt this way for the 4 years in NYGH, I admit that I've never felt that I ever belong to NYGH before. But this time, my heart warmed at the sight of the old building... I felt that this place was at least so much better than in HCI. Wearing the NYGH uniform and going back to NYGH, it was as if i've returned to my past. It was as if I'm back to my old self, back to the old days, back to being a sec 1 girl, back to being a part of the NY family. I've really never felt this way before. Back in NYGH, i took the time to revisit my fav cubicle(they've changed the light switch for the toilet), stare longingly at the dark corridor leading to 403 classroom, went to my favourite library, used my favourite com and finally out of the same old NY gate. It was such a great and unforgettable experience. Even when I logged into the NY com system, I realised we havent been exactly forgotten by the sch. It was like after i punched in the password, did it then dawned upon me that i might no longer be able to log in. But i still managed to log in in the end. Suddenly, i only recalled that one statement "Once a Nanyang girl, forever a Nanyang girl". Well probably, a few months later, I might no longer feel this way. So, it's probably best that I stop living in my past and look forward to the future or even look at the present now. But I cant help but question what future do I even have? I'm standing at the edge of the world, everything drifting further and further away from me. I'm probably just forgotten, merely acting like an idiot and waiting for my doom. |
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But baby, no matter whatever really happens
you've got to stay happy, really really happy |
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