These few days, I've been thinking about fate and destiny and why's life got to be so unfair...
These few years, I realised that I've been trying to fight against fate, thinking that so long as I do not give in to circumstances, I will be able to overcome all odds...
until, one day, I went to NTUC and in the gifts section, I saw a very meaningful quote titled "Faith":
Let faith bring you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change.
Let faith bring you the courage to change the things you can.
And let faith bring you the wisdom to know the difference.


Suddenly, it was as if I understood everything. I think it sort of became my philosophy, cos I've come to terms to it. No matter how tiring life can be, no matter how much tears I shed and no matter how many times my questions to God remain unanswered, I've come to accept things the way they are. Perhaps, I may not be so strong to the extent that I wont shed a tear, but at least I'm no longer afraid when I cry. Maybe, through the teary and rainy storm, a rainbow might appear. Maybe, through the tears, I will become stronger. When I start to learn to 看开多一点,maybe I will become happier.

Another impact that let me understood this was when I watched "Abduction:The Megumi Yokota Story" on Channel News Asia. Apparently, on last Sun, there was no Taiwanese shows and no other channels caught my eye, so I ended up watching this channel, hoping something nice will entertain me. Well, it told the story of a 13-year-old Japanese girl who disappeared as she is heading home from school. For 20 years, no one knows what happened. Then one day, the world learns the shocking truth that she had been abducted by North Korean spies. Well, it shocked the nightlights out of me and I was super traumatised at the moment.
1) I wont forget what the Korean-spy-later-become-witness said. He said "In North Korea, we were taught how to fight, steal, rob, break into houses, plant a bomb...Killing someone is like killing an animal. It's easy...I could have bombed up this hotel, if I wanted to". His words reminded me of the fragility if mankind and the evil blood that is flowing in our very veins. I could not forget the way he said it, it was as if a person's life is not even worth that of an animal. I mean, just plant a bomb and thousands of people would just die right? It's just so cruel and yet so shocking to hear it from a terrorist's mouth. Though I was quite disgusted at what North Korea did, I was heartened to see that this guy actually sense that sth was wrong and stood up for justice, even at the cost of his life. When asked" I heard that North Korea is going to assasinate you(for this)", he replied "there's no use struggling against death" and I was so touched and moved by his words. But, I do feel sorry for him, that that had to be the price he had to pay for his actions to stand up and witness. Hope he stays fine...

2) I'm quite disappointed at the Japanese govt. When it was found out 20 years later that Megumi and 7 others were abducted, the govt didnt really take action on it. It took them a few years later before they actually went to negotiate with North Korea, and that was because all light was placed on Megumi's case. Does it mean that if Megumi's case hadnt appeared, the 7 other people would have to remain in North Korea forever? And even so, the govt's efficiency still have room for improvement. Why is it that it must take them 5 years before the families can be reunited with their children again...I've always admired and liked Japan a lot, but this left me feeling disappointed and kinda "nowhere is home now" feeling...Somehow, I cant help but feel that maybe it was God's will that Megumi was abducted or else I dont even think the rest can be saved...dont blame me for being heartless.

3) I emphatised with Megumi, her parents as well as the other affected families. Especially for Megumi, I could hardly imagine her shock and fear when she got out of the ship, only to know that she was in Korea. The witness said that after she was abducted, she was placed onto a ship to be sailed to North Korea and he said "She was scraping at the metal door till her fingernails came off...The ship was rocking then and she was vomitting. There were blood and vomit everywhere" I cant help but feel nauseous and helpless. What can a 13 year old do against the bad guys and how is she going to cope in a new and hostile environment where her parents' care and love are absent?(i mean she's going thru puberty and that's a crucial stage where her parents need to be there to support her and let her grow strong and healthy) If it were me, I dont think I can even live long to see the day when I'm reunited with my parents. And, I feel quite sad for her cos she's only 13 and still schooling. I cant help but feel worried if she gets to go to school to learn new things cos it only mentioned that she was in North Korea to teach the Koreans Japanese for them to carry out their dirty missions...if not, how is she going to survive without the necessary education? Nor have the basic skills to earn a living? I could somehow understand the pain and loneliness that she must have felt then...I especially symphatise her parents. It must have been such a huge shock when they learnt that their child's gone missing, as they claimed" It was as if she had spirited away" and without any apparent meaning. Perhaps, sometimes, knowing is better than not knowing. If I were her parents, I would rather know the truth that my child was kidnapped, raped, robbed or dead because of some reason than be let into the dark, not knowing what happened to her and whether or not she's still alive. It's like every moment and every day, you just keep questioning "where is my daughter and how is she? Is she well and alive?" but you know your questions will always remain unanswered, as long as your children do not come back. And when that happens, you will start conjuring nasty images in your mind and you start to come up with the possible outcomes that your daughter might end up in. And for Megumi's parents, I'm sure it lasted like this for these 25 years, a long and seemingly futile wait. Even Megumi's mum started to question herself if she had done anything wrong that might have anything to do with her disapperance; she was so afraid that her daughter might have committed suicide because she was not a perfect mother. And every morning, she would go to the beach to see if anything gets washed up. It just hurts and I dont think anyone can experience the pain, lost, regrets, anxiety, stress, anguish, self-reproach or even the emotions that was churning in them...One of the other parents said "I would use my life in return of my son" All they wanted was for their children to come home safely and that's all. It's just so simple but it was easier said than done, isnt it?

4) I was really disgusted with the actions of North Korea. It's really hard to imagine how North Korea actually trained its citizens to become well-trained and qualified hard-core spys and even terrorists. I especially dont agree with the way they carry their spy missions. I still remembered that when South Korea was about to hold their Olympics, North Korea got jealous and decided to do something to make their highly despised neighbour to look dangerous. So, the spies ended up jijacking a plane and bombed up the whole plane. Everyone(all Korean) on board was dead. Lives, it's lives we are talking, I simply cant understand how they treat lives like just a few flies and that it's nothing important that they are dead. I suddenly recalled what an author said when he was visiting a coal mine in some rural country. He mentioned that there was an explosion in the coal mine and many children slaves were killed. Quoted him "All below was dead and the bodies were brought up as if only a few rats died". Humans = rats, I cant believe it. But what's worse is that they do all these in the name of Japan. Even though North Korea denied all accusations that they had abducted Japanese people, it was found out later that they were indeed responsible for the missing people. Actually, North Korea wanted to abduct Japanese to teach their spies the Japanese language so that the spies can then take up the Japanese identity and be passed off as a Japnaese when carrying out their missions(since Japanese and Koreans look quite alike). Which means that whatever happens, North Korea can escape detection and can push away all the blame and responsibility. They say that a man should account for his actions, I dont see why that does not apply for a country as well. If North Korea had the guts to kill people and do all the bad deeds, surely they have the guts to admit their mistakes or at least do these things openly in the name of North Korea?

ok, so I was like really upset and traumatised, but at least I'm glad that the families got reunited. And now, I know that I'm really lucky as compared to them. Ought to be thankful for it.  

《爱情的承诺》
荒野的等待
两个孤独人好想好想去爱
伸长脖子穿过无数的岁月
竟不知幸福一直守候在身边

背着遥远的未来
心里美丽的憧憬
不停的呼唤爱人的名字
只是太轻声听不见
我们仍停留在妄想的边缘

我的爱人亲爱的
你是否看清我心中的盼望
远方的你请不要沉默不语
别让我两手空空的一无所有

泪落了哀也叹了
说不定等待只是一场空
后面的风景也许会更好
转头看的那瞬间
远离的爱情悄悄的归返了

相拥着整个世界染上了色彩
欢呼、哭泣、回忆
刻印了美丽的足迹
黑暗的星辰流星划过
两个爱人紧扣十指许下诺言

我的爱人亲爱的
请你不要躲在我后面
既然已找到就陪伴我在旁边
让我俩好好好好的相爱

FULLSTOP.