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A simplified world of black and white
I AM WHO I AM
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 PROFILE
GRACCI.
A simplified world of black and white. Where black is black and white is white. No more shades of grey to please anyone. No more lies. No more deception. No more pretense. No one else but I decides my own destiny. I am who I am. The real me... — Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close TAGBOARD
WHISPER TO ME, THE BEAUTIFUL SECRETS.
AFFILIATES
IT'S A BIG BIG WORLD.
REMINISCENES
MY FADED MEMORIES.
Credits
SPONTANEOUS APPLAUDS.
©Glamouresque. |
Thursday, January 12, 2012
12-01-2012
自分におめでとう!!! I'm one year older now^ ^ Kinda of happy cos 12012012 sounds so cool abd the numbers match so perfectly. Most importantly, all the numbers are all my fav. numbers:D 0, 1, 2, and 12... On the night when I returned to Spore from HK, I was still flippin thru the calendar. When I reached 12th Jan, my heart sank:( I was like" Oh no!! Why dont i even feel excited fro my birthday? " But no reason popped up in my mind. I began to worry. Have I reached a stage of maturity where birthdays to me, only seem to appeal to childish kids. Hahas, yet right now, all my worries and doubts are unfounded. Here I am, still feeling happy all over this special day:) I dont know abt you guys, but everytime it's my bday, I suddenly feel so special, that everyone around me seems to be out of the limelight and even inferior to me....hahas, quite stupid i know. There's just this tiny voice in me that keeps wanting to shout out: "Hey! Look! Todays' my BIG DAY, so pls cooperate and give way to me, k? Make a bday girl happy mah:D" Then, I get so self-centered, childish and stuff... Guess I'm still a kid inside me afterall:D And yup, bday girl gets lots of benefits-like receiving presents and stuff. But just in case you think I'm just a materialistic girl whose head is only filled with the thought of getting expernsive and beautiful gifts, then I'm here to correct you. Personally, what I value most is the sincerity and the heart. Am I the very personal and emotinal type?! I mean, I've changed a lot. I rmbed myself being so young and ignorant, always demandiong the best presents, thinking that they are the treasures of my life. But now, I dont really care all about these. I wont mind if your gift is just a short sms or a facebook wish or just a simple gift. After all, I always believe that simplicity is the best gift on earth:D Probably ppl will think "It's your bday, you deserve it!" But no, I realised I like it most when ppl wish me from the bottom of their hearts:) I love words, where I can feel the person's sincerity and the touch of the person's voice. I love simple gifts, though inexpensive, but these are the gifts that I know the person has put in much thought before deciding on one. ［心］---it's the heart that matters. And it's the thought that carries great significance:) Thus right now, I really want to thank everyone(God, my parents, my friends and all) who has wished me a jolly happy bday^ ^ Tyvm, I'm really touched by your words and wishes. At least I know that there are still people out there who bothers to remember me:) Guess that makes me special today:) (ok, should stop being so ego, hahas) Thinking back on the previous bdays, I realised that I've changed. Am still constantly changing now. I dont know if the change in me is good cos I've witnessed many times how my change has broken so many hearts. All these years, I've never had the opportunity (or probly just lack the courage) to say sorry. But now that I've grown up, I think I am courageous enough to admit all my mistakes and say a big sorry to all whom I've hurt so deeply before. I really mean it, really rreally really sorry:( 済みません Nonetheless, in my heart, I still believe (or hope so) that changing is a good thing. It's all a process of growing up. I hope I will never stop changing until one day when I can proudly say that the person standing in front of you right now is the real me. Right now, Im still changing and becoming different every day. What does this bday mean to me? What does the future holds for me? Honestly, I have no answer. Only God knows. So, here's my prayer to Him: " Father Lord, this day is the special moment that when you decided to let me into this world. Since young, I've always thought that bdays are as fun as the world, but after every year, I realised that things arent so cute anymore(bday or not). I've seen much of the world's unfairness; I've cried at the thought of the many sufferings and pain that many innocent souls have to go thru; I've realised that everything comes in contrasting pairs(just like poor and rich; tears and laughter; joy and sadness; darkness and light). Ever since then, my pure eyes have been tainted by the world's ugliness. I've startedd to live in despair and lead a lonely life inside. I've lied (to everyone and myself); I've hurt people(just like how others hurt me b4); I've questioned the true existence of my existence. Father Lord, I've blamed you not just once for letting me be born into this world w/o my approval. I've angrily told you that I'd rather be a star and think of the world as a beautiful place than be a part of this worlds and realise its ugliness---my ugliness. But Father Lord, I've realised now that everything you do need not my approval, b\cos i am so unworthy of your love. How then can I blame you for every unhappiness? This world has been cruel to me not just once, but I still made it thru with your love, mercy and grace. What more can I ask for you? But Father Lord, you know so well all my heart's desires.(those that I've cried so many nights, hoping to get an answer). Therfore, Father Lord, allow me to make another selfish request on this birthday. Father Lord, grant me those wishes that stay etched so closely to my heart. I'm unworthy,Father Lord, but please still listen to the voice of my bleeding heart. Thank you, Father Lord, for you've made me realised that another contrasting pair exists---beautiful vs ugly. Despite all the difficulties and the ugliness in this imperfect world, there are still many beautiful things in this universe that can make me smile. Thus , Father Lord , open my eyes and heart that I may see all beautiful things, beautiful hearts and finally the beautiful side of this world. This is a new year, a new start, a fresh beginning, I'm sure it wld be filled with many ups and downs. So Father Lord, be merciful to me. Teach me, guide me, lead me, use me, mould me, refine me, define me, redefine me on how I should walk in 2012 that everything I do will be pleasing in your eyes. Provide me with the strength that aft every tear and heartache, I will become stronger to overcome all odds. Hold my hand along the journey so that I know I'm never alone to face all these changes. Bless me, Father Lord. Bless this Grace in front of you, whom you 've so dearly loved and have allowed to exist, for you said now and forever that your love is always enough for you. Set the change in me that you desire, so that from today onwards, your grace will make my heart pure and beautiful again----the inner beauty shining with radiance from inside out. Thank you Father Lord for my birthday and I pray that not long after, I would reach the beautiful paradise that you've promised. With that, I pray and ask all these in Jesus most precious name, Amen. " 诞生 本是上帝赐我最美丽的生日礼物。 成长 只不过是每个生日的不同美丽的阶段。 永恒 才是真正为一路来的生日画上美丽的句号。 我活着 不是为了自己，不是为了别人，更不是为了生日， 而是因为那美丽的信仰让我真真实实的存在。 ~Chan Shi Hui Grace |
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But baby, no matter whatever really happens
you've got to stay happy, really really happy |
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