ok, so here, I wanna thank all FB wishes, sms wishes, email wishes, letter wishes and gifts from everyone:)
At least, on 12th Jan, I wasnt alone, there were people who stood by me and reached out to me.

But right now, I kinda of feel like I'm all alone...
dont know why, but i feel suddenly so disappointed, like sth ripped apart inside me.
It's like im standing at the edge of the world, everything drifting further and further away from me.
I'm probably just forgotten, merely acting like an idiot and waiting for my doom.
But suprisingly, when the world explodes right in front of you face, it makes no sound.
It's just so silent, like you could only hear the faint beat of your heart.
Thats' what I'm feeling now, it's ok if my heart's beating wildly, but im really afraid that any moment i would hear my heart stop fluttering.
and it probably means im dead.
Heart dead, at least.

It's sch reopen.
I feel weird and out of place.
From the corridors, to the G.O.(is it called G.O. anymore?), to the Central Plaza, to the canteen, to the auditorium, to walking back the same old path back NYGH, I feel weird and out of place.
Like I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time and definitely the wrong person wearing the wrong uniform living in the wrong era.
I feel so small and insignificant.
People may say that it's probably cos I havent cope with it.
Maybe, but maybe not.
I'm still afraid of many things.
Today's GP diagnostic test scared me quite a bit(hahas, im like the only one who didnt know anyth at all, very scary)
and to know that there's still one on 25th Jan, I really dont want to think about it.
I mean it's IP activities right, all these can be left till later right?

anyway, that's not the main point.
I'm starting to worry about you know, all the new changes, new friends, new whatever...
I really hope things do not change, but a part of me really hope to just break free from my past and never look at it again.
Ok, i really dont know what im talking about, but i kinda of feel that I dont belong to HCI.
I mean I dont even belong anywhere, not in Spore, not in sch, not anywhere at all.
But when I walked back from HCI college section to high school to NY, it really brings back many heartfelt  memories.
Even to the point when I saw NYGH from the brigde, I dont know why, but I suddenly had an impulse to just cry.
I suddenly felt so glad to be back in NYGH; like I'm suddenly sch-sick(WTH, I swore it never happened b4, this is the 1st time)
I havent felt this way for the 4 years in NYGH, I admit that I've never felt that I ever belong to NYGH before.
But this time, my heart warmed at the sight of the old building...
I felt that this place was at least so much better than in HCI.
Wearing the NYGH uniform and going back to NYGH, it was as if i've returned to my past.
It was as if I'm back to my old self, back to the old days, back to being a sec 1 girl, back to being a part of the NY family.
I've really never felt this way before.
Back in NYGH, i took the time to revisit my fav cubicle(they've changed the light switch for the toilet), stare longingly at the dark corridor leading to 403 classroom, went to my favourite library, used my favourite com and finally out of the same old NY gate.
It was such a great and unforgettable experience.
Even when I logged into the NY com system, I realised we havent been exactly forgotten by the sch.
It was like after i punched in the password, did it then dawned upon me that i might no longer be able to log in.
But i still managed to log in in the end.
Suddenly, i only recalled that one statement "Once a Nanyang girl, forever a Nanyang girl".

Well probably, a few months later, I might no longer feel this way.
So, it's probably best that I stop living in my past and look forward to the future or even look at the present now.
But I cant help but question what future do I even have?

I'm standing at the edge of the world, everything drifting further and further away from me.

I'm probably just forgotten, merely acting like an idiot and waiting for my doom.