graccidancegal

EMPTINESS

2012-01-31T12:20:00.001+08:00

思念的勇气(a song):
若泪能挽回你
我愿泪水是一江河
就算满泪等待快淹没我心
我仍一心一意盼你回头

若不能留下来
至少牵着我一同飞
让我们俩是打了结的风筝
此生注定谁也离不开谁

泪水哭干了
为何你仍硬着心别过了头
也许越过了风雨依然会是空
但能不能为我点燃希望的蜡烛
即使曙光很微弱
也别让我对憧憬失去了勇气

失去了才宝贵(a song)：
雪花飘落的瞬间
我怎么才遗憾
之间如此遥远的距离

相拥的未来不再交错
为何当时你的付出
不曾让我心跳过

雪花染红之际
我明白美好时光因我装懵懂
已化为一场虚空

若时间允许
只愿它停留在擦肩而过的一刻
好让我伸出手
那雪花融化在我心田上

THE MASKED WOMAN
She hid behind a black veil
enveloped by the misty black aura
her life story was akin to a maze
as black as pitch darkness
that whoever entered it never did
unravel the little black secrets coated under her lies
yet
within those icy hard black irises
none saw the miseries that she bore on her
fragil black form
for she was the imfamously black
masked woman

COMPARISON
In a cup world
the limelight falls on brands such as
Coca Cola, Ribena, F&N and what more
but
i'm merely just plain water
contained in a damaged glass
with a damged hole that keeps widening
till i slowly turn half-empty
and today again
another crystal drop leaked out of the clear cool surface
is a pained tear left unseen.

I NEED A CAUSE FOR EVERYTHING
IF all my miseries right now
amount to the best gift at the end
I'd be most willing to take on any challenges
but tell me
what good cause am I suffering for
this time round?

DESTINED LONERS
We stood at opposite ends of the road
face to face
but our minds were lingered on other distractions
The green man flashed
our shoulders brushed past ever so lightly
but we walked away like any unknown strangers would do
Fate has allowed
our paths to cross more than that one time
but why did we not have the courage to even love?

SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
I heard that there's a heaven up above
where all worries were unheard of
and little birds chirped the sweet lullaby
that floated my heart on cloud nine
So
take me there
I don't want to be entangled in this ugly tattered fate
where I've lost myself not just once nor twice
to even entertain
the prettiness of an ugly death
I think I'm going mad
every night
my mind conjured gruesome nightmares on how I could
end this once and for all
So
please take me there
that's where I want my tired heart to finally take a rest
eternally.

SWEETTALK NOT SWEET AT ALL
you fill my world with sweettalks
like colourful balloons lighting up the plain blue sky
those coated words are like candies
that only serve to melt my heart in that instant
so loving--- my girlfriends said
i gave in--- that's what i did in the end
but you know what
your words no matter how sweet
only echo in the depths of my heart
merely isolating me
emptying my already empty heart
babe
love isn't just words
it's also actions

NOT LIKE ME
I'm sorry
It's not that I don't see your tears
you see---
I was also once a star
shining ever so radiantly in the milky universe
the gentle wind blew all my love for the moon
but one day
a storm tore away all my lullabies my joy my love
i know clearly
you are just the past me
it's not worthy just to waste your youth on me
I don't want you hurt just like how I was
for
my crystal drops are finite
just as how my heart has already turned to stone

CATCH A BREATHE
I yearned for a fresh beginning
just as how i wished my kiddy past would never be made known to me
but i feel its pulse tugging at my heartstrings
every intake
every breathe
every gush of blood rush
every heartbeat
fluttering alongside with me
I just want to grow up
to catch a breathe
little breathe big breathe
but
it doesn't matter anymore
I'm still a child inside afterall

HCNY

2012-01-25T20:02:00.000+08:00

Hahas, here's a joke from Milian:
(H)wa (C)hong (N)an (Y)ang = (H)APPY (C)HINESE (N)EW (Y)EAR peepsssss!!!

Ok, thought it was damn cool, thumbs up to Chua Milian!!!:P

erm, I guess Chinese New Year was very fun:)

Day before 除夕夜: Went to grandma's house to 拜个特早年, 顺便吃年货, 变成大肥猪;D had lots of fun and laughter, reminds me of my childhood where I always go to my grandma's house to eat, sleep, play and 胡搞。Then, I spent the night there, and there's like music pumping through the air cos their house is like very near to the 夜市，so got lots of feel:D and of course, I couldnt really sleep well, partly cos of the festive music, but also because of the stupid timely arrival of my damn red friend. Irritating!!! Anw, my 舅舅bought us mee goreng at midnight(which I didnt eat unfortunately) cos I was too 贪睡，醒不来！！！

除夕夜: Depart from Grandma's house. Went back home. Put on nice clothes(sth that my parents always insist, though I keep saying that it's such a waste to dirty your clothes in the hot humid atmosphere while eating and shopping in Chinatown) Yeah, waste of petrol right? Boon Lay--> Chinatown -->Boon Lay -->Chinatown o_O Haiz, anw we returned to Chinatown to have our reunion dinner. Steamboat!!! Chicken soup VS 麻辣(中). Aka me VS my parents lllT.T anw, the point is I got stuffed till so full, eating all the noodles(my fav "catch" of the day!!!), prawns(very fresh), flower crabs(very sweet meat), meatballs, sotong balls, fish(so tender:)), popiah, fried food, vege(:D), red-bean 馒头(外酥内软, 棒极了), etc before ending off with a touch of gentle jamine green tea aroma(damn my red friend, cant drink too many cold drinks). After which we proceeded to 夜市, which was quite disappointing cos it lacks the festive spirit from previous years. And there were lesser stalls selling lesser goods with lesser people 逛街ing also. In the end, it sort of rained a bit and we just headed back to sleep. Except that I didnt sleep cos I've got a mission on hand: 守岁(家庭万岁，守岁还不是为了您，您可要对我说声：辛苦你了，小妹^ ^ hehe). But it ended quite fail, cos I dozed off from 10pm to 11.57pm before making a futile attempt to last till 12.47am. Then, I gave up and hit the pillow straightaway:D 还是睡觉万岁好了...

初一: My mum and I 决定组织个烹饪合作团队。Only two ppl( My dad kindly counted himself out of this grand event) involved. My mum ended up being the 厨师 and I became the 小助理。那就先祝自己合作愉快。actually, i realised that my mum and I really formed a great team. Both opposite personalities, opposite coooking skills and techniques, opposite appetite, opposite people actually could 擦出火花来。一会儿chop chop chop, 一会儿peel peel peel, 一会儿wash wash wash(my mum is very super clean, hygience level in our kitchen is A grade ok*o*), 一会儿手忙脚乱（起火，关火，加水，加盐、胡椒、麻油、油、鸡蛋、粉、etc），却忘了加料O.o (啊！！！快加啊！！！）
.........................................................................................................................................................................乒乒乓乓一番美味佳肴出场了^-^ 有年糕、有鸡蛋、有蒜、有虾、有鱼、有。。。哎呀，总之什么都有啦:P
even my dad 赞ok :D
Mission accomplished.
Then, went out to 小桂林 and 照相! Lots of posing and photos, other ppl still thought we are there for shooting or sth lor, hahaas:D it actually rained there, so it was quite romantic...except it was the wrong ppl walking with me under the umbrella, hahas:)
glancing at the slightly green water(eutrophication?), i was reminded of cases of victims who swam in 桂林 and drowned:(　So tragic, no wonder 老天爷also 掉眼泪:( haiz.
Then, went to eat chicken fried rice, seafood mee goreng and seafood bee hoon goreng at some Indian stall.
Very very nice leh!!!
And finally, ended off with a touch of gentle jasmine green tea aroma(erm, WTH, green tea almost everyday?! hahas, but i was the one who suggested it so yeah:))
Cant drink too much cold drinks still, but a sip or two wont die right:D
Then, at night, I watched some movies(which was quite lame and funny but didnt note down its name) and one particular movie that I loved was 叶问2。I thought the movie was very very nice, with very good actors who knew how to fight well, and with very good lessons to takeaway.
I find Ip Man very inspiring cos he only fights when needed and his Wing Chun skills are like really really pro. A fine man indeed. Of course, I really admired the actor acting as Ip Man cos he really fight very well and it's like he's always so calm even in the face of danger. Very good acting leh. My mum said he's Zeng Zi Dan...? Quite good looking also. Anyway, I really 佩服all the masters' spirit, like they will fight to death for the glory of Chinese Kung Fu. Hate the Westerners now and the whatever Twister boxer. Go twist your head instead lah!!! But, the movie still ended well so very the happy. But got a huge surprise when I came to know that Ip Man was a real person(and not a fiction character or sth) and was 李小龙's 师傅 somemore leh!!! Grace ah, you really need to brush up not only on your general knowledge, but also on historical facts!!!

初二: Never cook. But I went out with my parents again:) During lunch, we 捞鱼生. It was quite fun trying to compete who can 捞higher, but well, I ended up getting my fingers oily and stuff. And I couldnt remember much 吉祥话, so I could only say a few good wishes. But it's the thought that counts, so good enough lah. Afterall, simplicity is the best thing to me^ ^But the 鱼生(not just the fish lah) was very tasty, like a little bit sour yet a little bit sweeet. makes me 看了都垂涎三尺!!! My parents complained why I ate such a huge portion, never leave for them...(actually, the 鱼生was meant for 8 ppl, but WTH, it looks like I can ttly finish it up all at one go lor) and I was like feeling so 委屈, so i said "谁叫鱼生这么好吃，加上人家肚子饿吗，not my fault ok?" Then, I gave them the puppy eyes and my dad finally succumbed to my pleadings, "aiya, she wants to eat then eat more lah:)" and he even 夹a portion of his to me!!! Muhahahas, Im so evil. Persuasion is so important ok!!! In the evening, I watched 我的特务女友. Very interesting, but didnt manage to watch finish cos it was time for little puppy to get to bed. And I just lay down and sleep...........................................
But, I couldnt really sleep well(dont know why), I kept waking up at like 12am(when I thought it was alr 5am in the morning), 12.35am, 2.05am and blah blah blah. 犹豫在醉与醒的状态，最后才马马虎虎的睡醒。还好没有睡不醒。Reminds me of a Chinese New Year song "幸福来呀幸福来”，and someone joked to me about how “幸福来” sounds like "醒不来” Oh no!? Really bad leh.

Anyway, today went back to school. Then found out that there was an English Diagnostic Test againo.O Haiz, actually I did know that there will be one this week, but I thought it was on Friday instead, but turned out to be today. Yeah, ttly smart me. Last week, I dont know there was a test, so still 情有可原，but today is sooooo....*beep* It's like knowing vs not knowing actually dont make any difference to me. Should name myself blur sotong from today onwards:) Anw, the test was quite hard, testing on grammar(yeah, I know. Easy for you, but honestly my grammar is 满江红 horrrr), sentence structure(still ok) and compre(one that was at least do-able) All MCQs, but I guess MCQs arent as easy as they seem. Ok, so the best thing in life is not really simplicity now -__- And then, we had some General Knowledge Test which I so happened to score 10/25!!! Super pro, congrats myself for having the skill to fail. anw, here's a quote that was really funny: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."~ Thomas A Edison. Yeah, probably, next time, I should find a million ways that wont work. Great job manzzzzz!!! :D

hahas, now in a super the happy mood, not cos of CNY or anything lah!!! ^O^
going to read manga now"kaichou wa maid sama":)

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!

PRETTY PURE HEARTS

2012-01-25T13:50:00.002+08:00

REMINISCENES
New setting
New faces
New everything
But why is my heart still held on to the past
Never to let go.

MISSING YOU
If just thinking alone
Can bring you back
Why is it that
Separated apart the miles of land
You still can't feel my heartfelt wishes
You still aren't by my side?

GIVING UP
Hope
In the world of darkness
Is a light
That I will never lift my eyes to see
For it has deceived me
More than enough.

"I LOVE YOU"
I just want to be closer
To snuggle up to you
And to hear you breath out the magic phrase
Except that this time
I was too naive
To think that you would even feel the same way as me.

LOVING VS NOT LOVING
Two guys
One woman
In a love triangle
One indifferent
One passionate
One entangled in the sea of conflict
The only choice to determine
Her pain her joy

DID IT MATTER?
Missing you was bad enough
Loving you hurts like
Glass slicing open my heart
The little tears slowly leaking out
Your indifference were like salt
pouring onto my already sore red wounds
Like a small adult
I clutched my broken heart
and asked myself:
Did it hurt?
Did it matter?
Oh yes it did;
A lot.

HOW TO RETURN A BROKEN HEART
You stole my heart away
You took care of it till you
Flooded it with all your sweet memories
Now
Time flies and
You've changed
Deciding to return the heart
You told me to forget
All faded memories, even
This broken love story
But tell me
How do you return a heart when it's already broken?

THE 100TH POST

2012-01-19T18:23:00.000+08:00

hahas, I just realised that this is the 100th post for my blog.
Ought to really celebrate it right^ ^
But out of ideas already.
So let's just get the main point delivered.

Ok, so yesterday, I was like riding on the bus, sitting on the 2nd deck.
And then, I glanced down and saw a lady standing on the pavement.
Suddenly, I thought to myself "If I were a murderer, she could have been such an easy target to shoot at."
At that time, I can't help but shudder.
First, why on earth am I thinking about murder and crime and to even think that I might actually be a potential assasinator in reality.
Second, it was really very creepy to know that there might actually be many eyes watching us constantly, but we aren't even aware of it.
Third, it's how our oblivious nature could have cost us our lives.

Oh man, why am I even pondering on this issue...
Recalling the incident now, I am really freaked out, maybe a little traumatised:(
Is that how murderers kill people, like do it in the dark hour?
Or do they just do it outfront?

But seriously, if I were the murderer, I would take the first option.

So here's the message of the day: BEWARE, THERE ARE EYES WATCHING!!!

I'm like standing all alone

2012-01-17T12:59:00.000+08:00

ok, so here, I wanna thank all FB wishes, sms wishes, email wishes, letter wishes and gifts from everyone:)
At least, on 12th Jan, I wasnt alone, there were people who stood by me and reached out to me.

But right now, I kinda of feel like I'm all alone...
dont know why, but i feel suddenly so disappointed, like sth ripped apart inside me.
It's like im standing at the edge of the world, everything drifting further and further away from me.
I'm probably just forgotten, merely acting like an idiot and waiting for my doom.
But suprisingly, when the world explodes right in front of you face, it makes no sound.
It's just so silent, like you could only hear the faint beat of your heart.
Thats' what I'm feeling now, it's ok if my heart's beating wildly, but im really afraid that any moment i would hear my heart stop fluttering.
and it probably means im dead.
Heart dead, at least.

It's sch reopen.
I feel weird and out of place.
From the corridors, to the G.O.(is it called G.O. anymore?), to the Central Plaza, to the canteen, to the auditorium, to walking back the same old path back NYGH, I feel weird and out of place.
Like I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time and definitely the wrong person wearing the wrong uniform living in the wrong era.
I feel so small and insignificant.
People may say that it's probably cos I havent cope with it.
Maybe, but maybe not.
I'm still afraid of many things.
Today's GP diagnostic test scared me quite a bit(hahas, im like the only one who didnt know anyth at all, very scary)
and to know that there's still one on 25th Jan, I really dont want to think about it.
I mean it's IP activities right, all these can be left till later right?

anyway, that's not the main point.
I'm starting to worry about you know, all the new changes, new friends, new whatever...
I really hope things do not change, but a part of me really hope to just break free from my past and never look at it again.
Ok, i really dont know what im talking about, but i kinda of feel that I dont belong to HCI.
I mean I dont even belong anywhere, not in Spore, not in sch, not anywhere at all.
But when I walked back from HCI college section to high school to NY, it really brings back many heartfelt memories.
Even to the point when I saw NYGH from the brigde, I dont know why, but I suddenly had an impulse to just cry.
I suddenly felt so glad to be back in NYGH; like I'm suddenly sch-sick(WTH, I swore it never happened b4, this is the 1st time)
I havent felt this way for the 4 years in NYGH, I admit that I've never felt that I ever belong to NYGH before.
But this time, my heart warmed at the sight of the old building...
I felt that this place was at least so much better than in HCI.
Wearing the NYGH uniform and going back to NYGH, it was as if i've returned to my past.
It was as if I'm back to my old self, back to the old days, back to being a sec 1 girl, back to being a part of the NY family.
I've really never felt this way before.
Back in NYGH, i took the time to revisit my fav cubicle(they've changed the light switch for the toilet), stare longingly at the dark corridor leading to 403 classroom, went to my favourite library, used my favourite com and finally out of the same old NY gate.
It was such a great and unforgettable experience.
Even when I logged into the NY com system, I realised we havent been exactly forgotten by the sch.
It was like after i punched in the password, did it then dawned upon me that i might no longer be able to log in.
But i still managed to log in in the end.
Suddenly, i only recalled that one statement "Once a Nanyang girl, forever a Nanyang girl".

Well probably, a few months later, I might no longer feel this way.
So, it's probably best that I stop living in my past and look forward to the future or even look at the present now.
But I cant help but question what future do I even have?

I'm standing at the edge of the world, everything drifting further and further away from me.

I'm probably just forgotten, merely acting like an idiot and waiting for my doom.

12-01-2012

2012-01-12T12:01:00.000+08:00

自分におめでとう!!! I'm one year older now^ ^
Kinda of happy cos 12012012 sounds so cool abd the numbers match so perfectly.
Most importantly, all the numbers are all my fav. numbers:D 0, 1, 2, and 12...
On the night when I returned to Spore from HK, I was still flippin thru the calendar.
When I reached 12th Jan, my heart sank:(
I was like" Oh no!! Why dont i even feel excited fro my birthday? "
But no reason popped up in my mind. I began to worry.
Have I reached a stage of maturity where birthdays to me, only seem to appeal to childish kids.
Hahas, yet right now, all my worries and doubts are unfounded.
Here I am, still feeling happy all over this special day:)
I dont know abt you guys, but everytime it's my bday, I suddenly feel so special, that everyone around me seems to be out of the limelight and even inferior to me....hahas, quite stupid i know.
There's just this tiny voice in me that keeps wanting to shout out: "Hey! Look! Todays' my BIG DAY, so pls cooperate and give way to me, k? Make a bday girl happy mah:D"
Then, I get so self-centered, childish and stuff...
Guess I'm still a kid inside me afterall:D

And yup, bday girl gets lots of benefits-like receiving presents and stuff.
But just in case you think I'm just a materialistic girl whose head is only filled with the thought of getting expernsive and beautiful gifts, then I'm here to correct you.
Personally, what I value most is the sincerity and the heart.
Am I the very personal and emotinal type?!
I mean, I've changed a lot.
I rmbed myself being so young and ignorant, always demandiong the best presents, thinking that they are the treasures of my life.
But now, I dont really care all about these.
I wont mind if your gift is just a short sms or a facebook wish or just a simple gift.
After all, I always believe that simplicity is the best gift on earth:D
Probably ppl will think "It's your bday, you deserve it!"
But no, I realised I like it most when ppl wish me from the bottom of their hearts:)
I love words, where I can feel the person's sincerity and the touch of the person's voice.
I love simple gifts, though inexpensive, but these are the gifts that I know the person has put in much thought before deciding on one.
［心］---it's the heart that matters.
And it's the thought that carries great significance:)
Thus right now, I really want to thank everyone(God, my parents, my friends and all) who has wished me a jolly happy bday^ ^
Tyvm, I'm really touched by your words and wishes.
At least I know that there are still people out there who bothers to remember me:)
Guess that makes me special today:) (ok, should stop being so ego, hahas)

Thinking back on the previous bdays, I realised that I've changed.
Am still constantly changing now.
I dont know if the change in me is good cos I've witnessed many times how my change has broken so many hearts.
All these years, I've never had the opportunity (or probly just lack the courage) to say sorry.
But now that I've grown up, I think I am courageous enough to admit all my mistakes and say a big sorry to all whom I've hurt so deeply before.
I really mean it, really rreally really sorry:(
済みません
Nonetheless, in my heart, I still believe (or hope so) that changing is a good thing.
It's all a process of growing up.
I hope I will never stop changing until one day when I can proudly say that the person standing in front of you right now is the real me.
Right now, Im still changing and becoming different every day.

What does this bday mean to me?
What does the future holds for me?
Honestly, I have no answer.
Only God knows.
So, here's my prayer to Him:

" Father Lord, this day is the special moment that when you decided to let me into this world. Since young, I've always thought that bdays are as fun as the world, but after every year, I realised that things arent so cute anymore(bday or not).
I've seen much of the world's unfairness; I've cried at the thought of the many sufferings and pain that many innocent souls have to go thru; I've realised that everything comes in contrasting pairs(just like poor and rich; tears and laughter; joy and sadness; darkness and light).
Ever since then, my pure eyes have been tainted by the world's ugliness.
I've startedd to live in despair and lead a lonely life inside.
I've lied (to everyone and myself); I've hurt people(just like how others hurt me b4); I've questioned the true existence of my existence.
Father Lord, I've blamed you not just once for letting me be born into this world w/o my approval.
I've angrily told you that I'd rather be a star and think of the world as a beautiful place than be a part of this worlds and realise its ugliness---my ugliness.
But Father Lord, I've realised now that everything you do need not my approval, b\cos i am so unworthy of your love.
How then can I blame you for every unhappiness?
This world has been cruel to me not just once, but I still made it thru with your love, mercy and grace.
What more can I ask for you?
But Father Lord, you know so well all my heart's desires.(those that I've cried so many nights, hoping to get an answer).
Therfore, Father Lord, allow me to make another selfish request on this birthday.
Father Lord, grant me those wishes that stay etched so closely to my heart.
I'm unworthy,Father Lord, but please still listen to the voice of my bleeding heart.
Thank you, Father Lord, for you've made me realised that another contrasting pair exists---beautiful vs ugly.
Despite all the difficulties and the ugliness in this imperfect world, there are still many beautiful things in this universe that can make me smile.
Thus , Father Lord , open my eyes and heart that I may see all beautiful things, beautiful hearts and finally the beautiful side of this world.
This is a new year, a new start, a fresh beginning, I'm sure it wld be filled with many ups and downs.
So Father Lord, be merciful to me.
Teach me, guide me, lead me, use me, mould me, refine me, define me, redefine me on how I should walk in 2012 that everything I do will be pleasing in your eyes.
Provide me with the strength that aft every tear and heartache, I will become stronger to overcome all odds.
Hold my hand along the journey so that I know I'm never alone to face all these changes.
Bless me, Father Lord.
Bless this Grace in front of you, whom you 've so dearly loved and have allowed to exist, for you said now and forever that your love is always enough for you.
Set the change in me that you desire, so that from today onwards, your grace will make my heart pure and beautiful again----the inner beauty shining with radiance from inside out.
Thank you Father Lord for my birthday and I pray that not long after, I would reach the beautiful paradise that you've promised.
With that, I pray and ask all these in Jesus most precious name, Amen. "

诞生
本是上帝赐我最美丽的生日礼物。
成长
只不过是每个生日的不同美丽的阶段。
永恒
才是真正为一路来的生日画上美丽的句号。
我活着
不是为了自己，不是为了别人，更不是为了生日，
而是因为那美丽的信仰让我真真实实的存在。

~Chan Shi Hui Grace

WHAT LIES AHEAD

2012-01-06T00:34:00.000+08:00

hahas, i bet all of you must be wondering what is dear gracci doing so late at this hour, right?
If your answer is "yeah, kind of wondering too", then it means i have super telepatic skills, yay!!!
Honestly, unless i've told you, i'm at Changi Airport right nowO_o
don't be shock!!!
after the super busy 2011, even I'm really glad to take a break and get out of humid S'pore(even if it's just a few days):D
For that, I wanna thank God and my parents for making all these possible for me...
At this moment of serenity, I want to thank everyone(realised I havn't thank all of you officially yet) for making 2011 such an unforgettable year, with heartfelt memories that I'm sure I will store it in the corner of my heart:D
And last but not least, I want to thank God again for his mercy and grace upon me in year 2011...HE has been kind to me, even though I'm such an unworthy fellow and even though I often blamed HIM for many things... Putting aside the hot streaming tears and numerous unaswered questions, I pray that my family and I and all people who are really special to me continue to be blessed to be showered upon HIS love. Thank you God for all you've done.
And to all whom I greatly love and appreciated, even though there are miles of land(and perhaps clouds)between us, may my warm wishes be able to reach and touch your hearts today and forevermore:
Thank you very much for being so special and wishing all a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

What lies ahead, I don't know but have faith, I'm sure 2012 will be a blessed year=)

Ok, 7 more mins to boarding the plane, got to go soon.
Really hope Cathay's supper is good and hope to catch some sleep as well as to get a notebook from the airstewards, so that I can pen down any thoughts and inspirations.
Missing you all always~~~ dont miss me too much though,hehe:D

HONG KONG, HERE WE COME!!!

P.S. I realised that Christmas and New Year all fall on a Sunday leh:D Praise the Lord!!!

领悟

2011-12-02T15:50:00.001+08:00

These few days, I've been thinking about fate and destiny and why's life got to be so unfair...
These few years, I realised that I've been trying to fight against fate, thinking that so long as I do not give in to circumstances, I will be able to overcome all odds...
until, one day, I went to NTUC and in the gifts section, I saw a very meaningful quote titled "Faith":
Let faith bring you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change.
Let faith bring you the courage to change the things you can.
And let faith bring you the wisdom to know the difference.

Suddenly, it was as if I understood everything. I think it sort of became my philosophy, cos I've come to terms to it. No matter how tiring life can be, no matter how much tears I shed and no matter how many times my questions to God remain unanswered, I've come to accept things the way they are. Perhaps, I may not be so strong to the extent that I wont shed a tear, but at least I'm no longer afraid when I cry. Maybe, through the teary and rainy storm, a rainbow might appear. Maybe, through the tears, I will become stronger. When I start to learn to 看开多一点,maybe I will become happier.

Another impact that let me understood this was when I watched "Abduction:The Megumi Yokota Story" on Channel News Asia. Apparently, on last Sun, there was no Taiwanese shows and no other channels caught my eye, so I ended up watching this channel, hoping something nice will entertain me. Well, it told the story of a 13-year-old Japanese girl who disappeared as she is heading home from school. For 20 years, no one knows what happened. Then one day, the world learns the shocking truth that she had been abducted by North Korean spies. Well, it shocked the nightlights out of me and I was super traumatised at the moment.
1) I wont forget what the Korean-spy-later-become-witness said. He said "In North Korea, we were taught how to fight, steal, rob, break into houses, plant a bomb...Killing someone is like killing an animal. It's easy...I could have bombed up this hotel, if I wanted to". His words reminded me of the fragility if mankind and the evil blood that is flowing in our very veins. I could not forget the way he said it, it was as if a person's life is not even worth that of an animal. I mean, just plant a bomb and thousands of people would just die right? It's just so cruel and yet so shocking to hear it from a terrorist's mouth. Though I was quite disgusted at what North Korea did, I was heartened to see that this guy actually sense that sth was wrong and stood up for justice, even at the cost of his life. When asked" I heard that North Korea is going to assasinate you(for this)", he replied "there's no use struggling against death" and I was so touched and moved by his words. But, I do feel sorry for him, that that had to be the price he had to pay for his actions to stand up and witness. Hope he stays fine...

2) I'm quite disappointed at the Japanese govt. When it was found out 20 years later that Megumi and 7 others were abducted, the govt didnt really take action on it. It took them a few years later before they actually went to negotiate with North Korea, and that was because all light was placed on Megumi's case. Does it mean that if Megumi's case hadnt appeared, the 7 other people would have to remain in North Korea forever? And even so, the govt's efficiency still have room for improvement. Why is it that it must take them 5 years before the families can be reunited with their children again...I've always admired and liked Japan a lot, but this left me feeling disappointed and kinda "nowhere is home now" feeling...Somehow, I cant help but feel that maybe it was God's will that Megumi was abducted or else I dont even think the rest can be saved...dont blame me for being heartless.

3) I emphatised with Megumi, her parents as well as the other affected families. Especially for Megumi, I could hardly imagine her shock and fear when she got out of the ship, only to know that she was in Korea. The witness said that after she was abducted, she was placed onto a ship to be sailed to North Korea and he said "She was scraping at the metal door till her fingernails came off...The ship was rocking then and she was vomitting. There were blood and vomit everywhere" I cant help but feel nauseous and helpless. What can a 13 year old do against the bad guys and how is she going to cope in a new and hostile environment where her parents' care and love are absent?(i mean she's going thru puberty and that's a crucial stage where her parents need to be there to support her and let her grow strong and healthy) If it were me, I dont think I can even live long to see the day when I'm reunited with my parents. And, I feel quite sad for her cos she's only 13 and still schooling. I cant help but feel worried if she gets to go to school to learn new things cos it only mentioned that she was in North Korea to teach the Koreans Japanese for them to carry out their dirty missions...if not, how is she going to survive without the necessary education? Nor have the basic skills to earn a living? I could somehow understand the pain and loneliness that she must have felt then...I especially symphatise her parents. It must have been such a huge shock when they learnt that their child's gone missing, as they claimed" It was as if she had spirited away" and without any apparent meaning. Perhaps, sometimes, knowing is better than not knowing. If I were her parents, I would rather know the truth that my child was kidnapped, raped, robbed or dead because of some reason than be let into the dark, not knowing what happened to her and whether or not she's still alive. It's like every moment and every day, you just keep questioning "where is my daughter and how is she? Is she well and alive?" but you know your questions will always remain unanswered, as long as your children do not come back. And when that happens, you will start conjuring nasty images in your mind and you start to come up with the possible outcomes that your daughter might end up in. And for Megumi's parents, I'm sure it lasted like this for these 25 years, a long and seemingly futile wait. Even Megumi's mum started to question herself if she had done anything wrong that might have anything to do with her disapperance; she was so afraid that her daughter might have committed suicide because she was not a perfect mother. And every morning, she would go to the beach to see if anything gets washed up. It just hurts and I dont think anyone can experience the pain, lost, regrets, anxiety, stress, anguish, self-reproach or even the emotions that was churning in them...One of the other parents said "I would use my life in return of my son" All they wanted was for their children to come home safely and that's all. It's just so simple but it was easier said than done, isnt it?

4) I was really disgusted with the actions of North Korea. It's really hard to imagine how North Korea actually trained its citizens to become well-trained and qualified hard-core spys and even terrorists. I especially dont agree with the way they carry their spy missions. I still remembered that when South Korea was about to hold their Olympics, North Korea got jealous and decided to do something to make their highly despised neighbour to look dangerous. So, the spies ended up jijacking a plane and bombed up the whole plane. Everyone(all Korean) on board was dead. Lives, it's lives we are talking, I simply cant understand how they treat lives like just a few flies and that it's nothing important that they are dead. I suddenly recalled what an author said when he was visiting a coal mine in some rural country. He mentioned that there was an explosion in the coal mine and many children slaves were killed. Quoted him "All below was dead and the bodies were brought up as if only a few rats died". Humans = rats, I cant believe it. But what's worse is that they do all these in the name of Japan. Even though North Korea denied all accusations that they had abducted Japanese people, it was found out later that they were indeed responsible for the missing people. Actually, North Korea wanted to abduct Japanese to teach their spies the Japanese language so that the spies can then take up the Japanese identity and be passed off as a Japnaese when carrying out their missions(since Japanese and Koreans look quite alike). Which means that whatever happens, North Korea can escape detection and can push away all the blame and responsibility. They say that a man should account for his actions, I dont see why that does not apply for a country as well. If North Korea had the guts to kill people and do all the bad deeds, surely they have the guts to admit their mistakes or at least do these things openly in the name of North Korea?

ok, so I was like really upset and traumatised, but at least I'm glad that the families got reunited. And now, I know that I'm really lucky as compared to them. Ought to be thankful for it.

《爱情的承诺》
荒野的等待
两个孤独人好想好想去爱
伸长脖子穿过无数的岁月
竟不知幸福一直守候在身边

背着遥远的未来
心里美丽的憧憬
不停的呼唤爱人的名字
只是太轻声听不见
我们仍停留在妄想的边缘

我的爱人亲爱的
你是否看清我心中的盼望
远方的你请不要沉默不语
别让我两手空空的一无所有

泪落了哀也叹了
说不定等待只是一场空
后面的风景也许会更好
转头看的那瞬间
远离的爱情悄悄的归返了

相拥着整个世界染上了色彩
欢呼、哭泣、回忆
刻印了美丽的足迹
黑暗的星辰流星划过
两个爱人紧扣十指许下诺言

我的爱人亲爱的
请你不要躲在我后面
既然已找到就陪伴我在旁边
让我俩好好好好的相爱

FULLSTOP.

HAIZ, HOUSEWORK-CRAMMED HOLIDAYS ARENT EXACTLY FUN:(

2011-11-20T15:17:00.001+08:00

WELL, WELL, WELL, IM FINALLY BACK...
GOT MISS ME, I DOUBT SO, HAHAS:D

anw, on some random thurs, lilia, huimin and I went to Jurong Point to watch Johhny English.
Mr. Rowan Atkinson of course acted very well and Mr. Tucker(his funny assistant) also had great 默契with him!!!
Thought it was a really great movie and i'll rate it 4/5 stars:D

Then, on this Thurs(another random Thurs), we met again!!!(well, it was quite a last minute decision cos i wasnt free on that day at first, as suggested by my post title) but the main point is, we watched another movie again, this time with Crystal too!!!
guess what movie: 那些年，我们一同追得的女孩,aka You're the apple of my eye(think i like the english title better, sounds nicer)
erm, well, it's my first NC16 movie, so i was kind of wondering what's so NC16 about it...
UNTIL I WATCHED IT-__-
it's really 名副其实 NC16 cos well, it's so ahem ahem*cough cough*
you know, at first i thought it was a China movie cos it's just too pervertic, but until the end, when I saw the guy typing in 繁体字 and when they kept mentioning 台北, then it dawned to me that it's a taiwan movie, well, guess stupid me!!!
cant reveal too much, in case the very young MHM or some other random person who still thinks she's below 16 reads my post and gets corrupted by it(actually, she watched it alr)
Conclusin: it just revealed too much about guys and their secret lives...guess, the entire population of guys had their reputation tarnished by these 6 害群之马(actually, i dont even think that guys had a gd reputation in the first place,hahas:D)
yeah, so it's supposed to be sad and touching, but somehow, I dont feel that emo and regretful than I would have after watching 5cm/s.
maybe cos the two 暗恋者didnt even get the chance to get together and maybe cos the storyline is spread out among the 6 boys+1 girl, so much to the extent that they dont spend quality time on screen,hahas. so, it lacks the kind of 分离的感受。
i thought it was very 可惜, cos the girl didnt exactly tell the guy that she liked him and they actually could have gotten together if the girl was more outfront and if the guy wasnt so mindful of her rejection...but i still love the movie alot(not cos of the censored stuff horrrr):D
will rate it 4/5 stars too cos it's very funny too!!!
I especially liked the part where all 8 of them sat at the beach and talked about their ambitions and futures.
I still remembered the scene where the girl asked the guy,KE-JING-TENG, what he wants to become and he answereed：“我要当一个厉害的人。。。我要让世界因为我而变得更精彩”and of course, he was hinting it to the girl, SEN-JIA-YING, cos afterwards he turned to look at her.
but i thought the silent monologue by the guy right after that was even more meaningful, he said to himself sth like :“而我的世界不就是你的心”
AWWWWW!!!SO SWEET RIGHT!!!LOVE THEIR 对话!!!
oh! the ending's was also very touching and well, quite 遗憾cos俊男美女最终还是有缘无份:(
but i still love it cos at first the 6 害群之马was still planning to 绊倒the新郎 cos she got married to none of them and so they said sth like"如果你真正爱一个人，你怎么可能把她让给别人”
but in the end, KE-JING-TENG said sth that echoed my exact same sentiments: “如果你真正爱一个人，当你看到她有人疼，有人爱，你会真正祝福她幸福快乐”...
actually, i dont think that everyone are able to do this, but still this sentence touches my heart a lot...i know, Im super emotional:D
still love the ending cos it was very funny as the guys asked the bridegroom if they can kiss the bride,i mean, which guy will let some cikoubei(老色狼）to kiss their to-be-wife???-__-
and so they bridegroom said ok, but on one condition that they had to kiss him first, in the same way as they would kiss the bride...so naturally, 5 of them started protesting.
BUT, one of them actually went to kiss the bridegroom and it was done with lots of passion until the bridegroom got pinned onto the wedding table, hahas...and i really meant a really passionate kiss horrr^^
and the guy is no other than KE-JING-TENG...
he looked really shuai on that day(actually, he looks like this throughout the show) and i thought he really 配得上SENG-JIA-YING, but well, they still got sseparated in the end...
but, MHM said that only the 2 of us could understand the movie...
not quite sure about Lilia(thought she understood too?), but Crystal 被搞得一塌糊涂 and she kept asking what was going on after the movie-__-
hahas, mb, for MHM and I, this kind of love story isnt complex at all, probably cos we read too much and watched too much manga and anime:D
well, the movie ended with the guy writing down this love story into a 小说, kind of wonder if this movie was adapted from a 小说...
if it isnt, hope it will be penned into a 小说, mb it might be even better cos they can add in more 情节 and 情感, then mb the readers will be more absorbed into the story line and thus, would be more affected everytime the 情节changes:D
hahas, well, guess, after this, I will revert back to my hsehold chores:(
haiz, from morn-late aft, other than eating, it's all hsework.
Then, fr 7pm to 9pm, i'll kampong ties and some other 综艺节目 then sleep and prepare for next day of hsework.
Totally overwhelmed and exhasuted to the verge of collapse, hardly have time to even go online leh...
tday's different cos got church so get a little break, hahas:D
be glad you see me alive and well kicking.
realised that I've been talking to bear-san these few days...
BEAR-SAN: *nod nod*
ME: think I cant go on anymore...
BEAR-SAN:*shake head*
ME: tell me what to do leh...
BEAR-SAN: *shrugg shoulders*
ME: *apparently very irritated* can you stop nodding, shaking and shrugging, you're supposed to be a NY bear, so arent you very smart? then quickly help me solve my problems or I'll throw you into the washing machine!!! stupid!!!
HAHAS, FUNNY RIGHT? THINK i GOT THE SPLIT PERSONALITY DISORDER...
OH NO!!!

anw, here's a song written by me:D《我不适合恋爱》

去爱是勇气
被爱是福气
要是爱需要我去忘记
我想我不适合恋爱

有些人搞不懂爱的意义
在两人之间两难
为爱人留下丑陋的回忆
让自己失去后才学会珍惜

CHORUS:
太迟了
有些事
有些人
我是无法忘记
着爱情虽未开始
但我清楚它的结束
因那执著也是我一人愿意

爱你是我最痛苦的回忆
为了你我失去了食欲
天天想着你我想
就算付上性命我也愿意

我笑自己太傻太傻
他人的目光我可以不去介意
但我害怕就算拼尽了所有的力气
你依然无法明白我的心意

CHORUS

有人曾问当我孤单
我回想起谁
我想我不该再犹豫
大胆的宣布我满脑子之属于你

我不是没想过克制矛盾的情绪
但心中守着的秘密
我日夜抱着哭着睡去
我想我仍活在发黄的回忆

至今我才发现我不适合恋爱
因为有些事
有些人
请教我如何学会忘记

ok, here's a poem:

我开始倒数时间
一个人
惧怕这将是我们的最后一天

我一无法再面对你
我怀疑
在你面前我丧失了说话的能力

我学会珍藏在心里
那秘密
我占为己有偶尔拿出来温习

我迷失在人群里
不见你
我真怕自己已丢失了活下去的勇气

或许我就是那片树叶
被风卷起
归回根底
将一切的一切统统埋在阴暗里

这是我一人的秘密

HEY!!! GOT MISS ME,HAHAS

2011-11-07T10:23:00.000+08:00

well, super glad with everyone's response:D
TY for all your remarks, glad that all of you liked my previous post:)
Actually, I liked it very much too, hahas:D
I dont really feel as if i've graduated leh cos I still feel some warm presence next to me.
昨天下雨，嘴里吐出的气息为窗面坲上一层雾，没想到手指轻轻划过，写出的字竟然是“学校”，哈哈。我疯了是吗？

hahas, yesterday, spent the whole day out with my parents leh, ate very very nice curry chicken noodles at Bugis and went shopping...:D
then, went home and watch 夜市人生 and slept at 9pm, hahas....resume back to my body clock le!!!
i feel like im telling you all all my 行踪，有点（不是，是很）奇怪！……

then couldnt sleep cos my neighbour damn noisy, so i ended thinking a lot of stuff...
well, here are 3 things which i havent decided yet leh:
1) O'levels HCL-- study or not? :(
2) My family still deciding if we are going to sell our house or not lor, kinda of confused too. On one hand, I wanna leave cos _______________________. BUT, on the other hand, kind of 依依不舍 leh cos ______________________________________.(longer and more impt reason,hehe)
3) Subject Combinations (need to tell MHM soon, or she wont let me off, hahas:D)

here's a poem:
最讨厌
一个心热了又冷
冷了又热
反反复复的感情
只会
让人更加心痛
像一望无际的苦海
永远纠缠不清
那海水终究是心酸的

うれしいの感情！！！

将南中走过的路都走一遍

2011-11-04T15:49:00.000+08:00

This is specially dedicated to all NYGH teachers, friends and all those who have made a difference in my life:)

“老师是风，老师是雨，有了老师，我就可以呼风唤雨。

朋友是天，朋友是地，有了朋友，我就可以顶天顶地。”

十六岁

蒲公英离开了

我深切体会到离愁

那无言的苦

只愿倒流时间

将南中走过的路都走一遍

微笑着回忆我们

用笑声、哭声、泪水

抒写着四年的酸甜苦辣

我非常非常地想念

想起校园的每一幅画面

老师清晰的教诲回荡耳边

让迷茫中的我看清方向

借着老师送来的鼓励
振奋精神、勇往直前

靠那股力量长翅高飞

不知何时忘不了

老师严肃的目光

流露不同的含义

耐心、感动、关爱

使我看清那些批评背后

蕴藏着老师辛勤的培育

像定时闹钟铃声一响

让迷糊的我们瞬间清醒

一步步牵引我走入一个彩色的天地

好想再捕捉

那魔鬼般的微笑(Mr. Huang's 神神秘秘的笑容, 张老师那阴险恶毒的微笑,Mr. Lee's“ 色咪咪”的鬼笑)

感染力的笑声(Mr. Chong's 的傻笑，Mr. Shone's hearty laugh)

冰凉的冷笑话(Mr. Huang's lame jokes and really cool Mr. Bean's videos, Mr. Chong's "成何体统"joke)

独有风格的幽默感(张老师的“我的朋友的朋友”，Mr. Tay's "in a nutshell", Mr. Chong giving out his beautiful belongings from kindergarden+pri+sec+jc+uni to us as an apology for the late delivery of China gifts)

不计较的加油(Mr. Huang's"Dont worry","We dont need to be the best, but just our best"/"gambatte", Mr. Khoo's "you dont need good luck, you need good sense", Mr. Chong's "good luck for exams", 王老师的“O'level HCL Paper 1 exam之后,你应该感觉到头脑充血，双鼻喷血, 那么就代表你们做得好O.o” )

惊人的记忆与耐性(teachers' speed memory of our names and great tolerance of our childish beahaviour,esp when we keep pestering for EOY questions that teachers can only shake their head, sigh and say "I saw the paper very very long ago, cant really remember now"^^)

太阳的光芒般的帮助(it may not be very BIG, but your LITTLE ACTIONS TELL A LOT:))

展现在老师身上

拼出一幅幅欢乐时光(we were always laughing, werent we?)

现在的您应该

知道我

其实都有专心上您每一堂课

哪怕是那么一秒(呵呵, you must have been so proud of me^_^)

就算

蒲公英乘着风飞得更远更远也

忘不了那和风细雨般的话语

或浩荡车风般的叮咛

无论相处的时间是否漫长或短暂也无所谓

只想对您说

ありがとう(for being able to transform from a teacher to a counsellor; philosopher; father(Mr. Khoo); model(need to pose when taking photos with us right:)); joker(when we were on the verge of dying from BTs and EOYs); friend and what more...at very appropriate times)
You're really really special

我们有过的相遇

和每一场的别离

我发誓从来都未曾忘记过

我非常非常的想念

毕业照片中绽放着笑容的

亲爱朋友

虽然难免掺杂着泪水与无奈

但随着波折的考验、时间的储存

我们的友情

像一朵花

捧在掌心

散发出淡淡芳香

那纯白洁美

一个让我向往的天堂

恋上动人的雨天(Lilia: cant believe that we actually share the same sentiments towards rain and our crazy addiction to写作...Thank you for your poems, even when I'm sad, somehow I just cant stop smiling every time i read it)

你我握着笔,抒情写作

借着雨中的微风

将一句句祝福传送给对方

荡涤我心灵上的灰尘

一同告别了这世界的污秽

恋上那清爽的晴天(MHM and Lilia: though you always hum softly, but thank you for sharing all your favourite songs with me under the blue blue sky...you two have great voices!!!)

你在嘴边轻哼着歌

在欢乐的谈笑风生中

我竖起耳朵

倾听你拿柔美歌声

滋润着我的心房

恋上每个伤心的季节(MHM: Will never forget how you always pat my head gently when I'm feeling down, it really mean a lot to me...I always feel very touched, like a small kitty finally returning home and being understood)

在我双眼决堤之前

是你看清我眼泪

轻拍我的后脑袋

那真诚的眼神

告诉我一切风风雨雨都回过

恋上繁忙的考试期间(To all who had encouraged me along the way: Can never thank you enough for all that you've done...be it a smile or encouragement or a little action, it really warms my heart)

感谢每个人一路来赐予我

的“gambatte"/"you can do it",

那微笑带种奥妙的推动力

让我有永不回头的一往直前

有时我曾想过

其实我真的不值得你那么对我

恋上夜晚的星辰(To all who had accompanied me through the dark long nights: Thank you for always being there when I needed it the most...You all really made my nights!!!really sorry if I had deprived your sleep and wasted your phone bill though)

通过短信一来一回

一句温馨的晚安

一句热心得鼓励

往事的分享或是

内心的诉说

紧捏着手机的那份温暖

我不时拿出来品味
才不害怕暗夜的微凉

就算蒲公英与同伴分开的那瞬间

我不会孤单

因为那份情和

友情的结晶

不会我们分离而消退

就算蒲公英落地生根并繁殖

只想让你知道

ありがとう(for always putting up with my 脾气 and trying your very best to understand me)

I will never forget you

从前美好的回忆

我会一人收藏在心中

人与人之间

说起来

终究是一种缘分

可能都没机会再见

可能时间的推移

会淡忘了老师、朋友的容貌

可是

我仍会寻找

无边无际的星辰

回想起

沙滩上的足迹

闭上眼睛用力呼吸

每个有笑有泪的气息

蒲公英离开了主枝

离开这片伴他们成长的土地

用力一吹

几十余个小伞随风在空中飘舞

带着与生俱来的使命

飞到金灿灿的田野

飞到青翠的高山

飞到广阔的草原

让

那首离别的歌

在夜里反复的播放

我

不再悲伤

不再离愁

不再遗忘

离开只不过是

新一轮的开始

开始成长

开始编织一个个新的故事

皆さん、どうもありがとう

I will miss you all. Be happy always:)

OK! PHOTOs TIME:):D;] o(*^O^*)o
really sorry if it's in a haphazard manner:(

WELL, THATS THE END~

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE<3

If u can even understand, that is:)

2011-11-02T10:22:00.000+08:00

hahas, inspirations from bus rides, rainy days, starry nights and the fond(maybe not exactly font) memories of my life:D
have always kept them in my phone, but cant believe i actually forgot to post them!!!
OH! if u find them really familiar, dont fret, it just means u've seen them somewhere before(ok, dont make any sense -__-lll ) no lah, it just means you've seen my 处女作品:) -->it means first draft, pls dont 想歪歪...:) well, here goes:

Drabs of sunlight
seeped through the curtains
and onto a cheerful face--- a bright, young lad.

Fingers smooth over the creases
sending wave-like ripples
through the long, flowing cloth.

A curb pull
a tiny screech escaped
the curtains drawn--- an abrupt ending.

A soft yawn let out
of her cool red lips
only softness against the hard warm rays.

A honest gaze held
to the far away future
certainity mirrored deep in her eyes.

But outside
in the hot arid land
beggers littered at every turn
and certainly
none are even certain of any moment of their lives.
oh! this was written during LA lecture like 2 months ago,hehe!!! i was multi-tasking k, so i WAS paying attention:)

Just how many times have we endured the cold stares of despising eyes, though no fault on our own; tried our very best only to find that failure had once again caught up with us; actually relished the idea of crying silently at night where only the moonlight know of our sorrows; wandered aimlessly amidst the looming buildings after time yet time of rejections; been manipulated like puppets, dangling precariously by life's cruel jokes; bounded by the chains of miserable twisted fate, deprived of all love and hope; felt tempted by the dangerously sweet offers of the death god; stared at the vast universe and questioned the meaning of our very existence; started fading into the darkness, emptying our souls into the sea called fogetfulness...Perhaps, right now, life had not echo our wishes and desires. But always remember that we've yet to discover nor experience, so please dont stop believing in yourself. Only you can change your life for the better. Fighting!!!
Sounds familiar? hahas, more appropriate to say that i was trying to encourage and comfort myself, rather than anyone^_^

LISTEN! The wind--- it's howling softly, carrying its secret to a faraway place.
LOOK! The sea that once sparkled with tiny golden jewels in the backdrop of the setting sun, now appeared dull and lifeless, watching wearily as invaders trampled on its beautiful face.
SMELL! The fallen trees lay wasted, life-bearing sap slowly leaking out, as their pleas drowned in the midst of ash and smoke.
REALISE! Even the once blue sky has lost its unique touch while years of abuse left behind scars of its unglorified victory.
CAN'T WE SEE:? These are sure signs of something gone awry, but why do we still choose to walk in the path of impending doom?
Perhaps, our ancestors were right: It's never too late to turn back. If we have the heart to understand, they'll tell us all that we need to know...
Everyone, though it might be quite stupid to say this, but please go green, please remember your 3Rs, please cherish the beautiful paradise you have right now...

寂静的夜晚
我披着月光躺在床上
怎么也睡不着

想开灯赶走床边
橱门前和地上那
虎视忱忱的阴暗
但却怎么也做不到

生怕只要那么轻轻的一动
黑暗的恶魔将找上门来
取走我所剩不几的胆量

只要那么一起身
就被那黑暗给吞噬
永远也醒不过来

想着想着
便越害怕
越睡不着

只见自己紧闭双眼
紧张的憋住气
一人躲进被窝里

开始胡思乱想
哎，看来今天我又要和
星星一同守夜了。。。
well, written when i couldnt fall asleep some night...many thanks to those who had accompanied me that beautiful night, TYTY:D

瞧街上那在雨中独自嬉戏的小女孩！可爱的脸庞透过晶莹的雨滴犹如太阳般焕发着光芒。笨重的雨衣随着她那蹦蹦跳跳得身躯只能轻轻的摆动。只见她一会儿右跳跳左跳跳，一会儿又踮起脚跟快活的就地旋转，再最后便干脆仰起身子向上跳跃。那一瞬间，她仿佛成了知小燕子，没多大功夫，身子已在半空中勾起美丽的弧线。随之才轻轻的落地，溅起脚边仅剩的水洼，打湿在雨衣角。她自由自在，毫不顾虑周边的任何事物；仿佛全世界只围绕着她那么一个人。。。如今，这小女孩已在人群中迷失了，然而只要碰上那美丽动人的雨天，我便能听到她那耳熟的欢笑声。你是否也听得见？
i was very happy when MHM could actually understand this poem:) yup yup, the little girl is actually...meeee(well the past me...) and i was like looking back into my childhood when i was still a pure little angel living in her own paradise. sometimes, i really wish that i can just be like her: so innocent, so carefree, so happy. but i guess it's all a growing process. Not very good to keep living in the past!!! Nvm, shall keep these hidden memories in my heart. I guess my childhood was filled with 90% fond memories...Lilia, I decided liao, my chinese 笔名shall be 雨天天使^ ^

风刮了，
吹散发丝，
那阵阵微风轻吻着我
泪流满面地脸庞。

叶落了，
伸出双手，
试着捕捉那被卷走的树叶，
想找回那遗失了的美好。

天暗了，
伴随轰轰雷声，
雨珠掺杂泪水
一滴一滴打在大地，
发出沙沙之歌。

哦那雨，
犹如河流，
美妙的钻进我的心房，
滋润着我，安慰我灵。

我爱雪，更爱着雨天，但愿这场茫然大雨能一直下一直下，冲洗世上一切的伤痛，为我带来活下来的勇气。。。
cant quite remember when i wrote this, think i keyed it in my phone like a few days before EOYs or sth...but i must have been feeling very emo then...but i still like this very much. I like being emo:D it's a capricorn's priviledge(or at least my friend once told me that capricorns are usually very emo,hehe) and who dont love rain<3 not the singer lah, DUH...

下雨天，
我望出窗外，
向天祈求一个美好的今天。

黑云划过，
我仔细寻找，
你那充满阳光的熟悉身影。

雷劈了，
我沉默无语，
盼望你能抚平我心中的不安。

雨小了，
我坐在阳台，
细细品味雨嘀嗒嘀嗒的旋律。

雨停了，
我凝望那撑着伞的人群，
希望其中有一人将会是你。

彩虹出来了，
太阳也探头了，
我对你的思念却化为无声的风吹到你窗前。

但你是否也能感受到我心灵最深的祝福？
i wrote it in church on some really special Sunday(during one of the sermons, sorry Father Lord for multi-tasking once again:( ) Why special Sunday, well, cos it was raining then, and when it rains, i feel very lonely, and when i feel very lonely, i will start thinking and missing people:) though not quite sure who i actually missed when i wrote this,hahas^_^

天黑了，
雨下了，
我哭了，
但你不在了。

想起你我一切的时光，
像是旧照片般一张一张
的被翻出来，
而我心灵的痛苦也无情的涌上来，
使我窒息。

你甜美的笑，
换来了我苦涩的感叹；
你调皮的鬼脸，
不知已离我多远；
你无告的离别，
暗淡了我一生的光芒；
这是你给我的答案吗？
还是老天爷对我的恶作剧？

鼻子酸酸的，
嘴角咸咸的，
在这没有你的黑暗里，
我哭了。
I think i wrote this when i sat next to Lilia, i think. Well, dont misunderstand, it's NOT a reflection of my life hor(in case MHM 想歪歪:)), it's just that we were BORED and started writing stuff. I realised i really like writing on the themes like "love", "friendship", "my life", "family" and stuff(all revolving around love bah) hahas, I remembered during Japanese O'level, the examiner asked me what i do in CCA and i told her writing. and she asked "what topics do you like to write?" and I was like -__-^, erm, how am i supposed to answer in Japanese. and so i ended up saying "family"(well, the first thing that popped up in my head), "environment"(I guess i wrote it before) and "society"(wrote it but not quite sure if i liked it, the society's hasnt been a great place for me...) and as expected, she asked "why?"...well, i was like o.O, guess it was pretty much a disaster,haiz, poor japanese, 被我搞得面目全非:( did you know, they actually taped the whole exam, to standardise the exam i think. but i still love japanese nonetheless k:D

你曾说我是开心果，无论风吹雨打都在笑，但你误会了，我并不如你想象中的那么坚强。有一回，我哭了，你说我行为有点失常，但我多想告诉你我本是那遍体鳞伤的躯体，是你不曾发现。你说你羡慕我，羡慕我像朵小花倍受爱护与疼惜，但那只是片面观察，你根本看不清被这世界的污秽刺伤了的我。不，你是永远都无法明白的。因为在你眼里，我是那轻飘飘的云朵，无忧无虑；那清新的空气，从不被吹散；那可爱的小公主，幸福美满快乐。可我心里清楚地知道，我只不过是那沉重四处漂泊的乌云；那被暴风雨摧毁的小草；那虚假伪造自欺欺人的空壳，迷惑悲哀消极。或许是我掩饰的太好了，又或许是你不曾用心理解我，拖着一推不可告人的秘密，此时的我心里真的好重好重。。。
well, I love this poem the most cos i think it best represents my life, my fate, my destiny and my feelings for this world. hope you all like it too and really hope your life wont be as emo as mine:) think i wrote it in church too:) i hardly tell anyone my secrets, cos i always believe that "secrets are meeant to be stored, and not to be told". but still, i wonder if God heard my sorrows?

冬天的那个傍晚，
在星星的见证下，
在路灯的照耀下，
我终于在你香甜的承诺里，
安心的睡去了。

在你的怀抱里，
我告别了冬天的寒意，
拥抱着你的温度，
以赶走路途中的坎坷，
欢迎你我新生命的开始。

太阳升起的那个早晨我
在没有你的情况下醒来了，
迷迷糊糊、头脑混乱
床边的字条之告诉我
你已永远的离去了。
hahas,this poem is kinda unknown cos i dont know where i got the inspirations from. found it in my HCL notebook when i was flipping thru the pages one day:) actually, I kind of hate sad endings, but then, I do have the power to make the characters cry or smile right? so muhahahahaha, im super evil!!! They shall be manipulated by me(or more appropritely, my moodswings).

well, that's all for now:) hope you all enjoyed these:) hope to continue this next year, so Lilia and MHM, must visit my blog hor:) and Lilia, you should just make your blog public mah, how can waste your talents:)

Secrets in Life

2011-10-28T11:07:00.000+08:00

其实我想了很久，
或许就如你说的那样，
心里隐藏着这么痛苦的秘密，
为何要逞强，
装一副“我不在乎，我其实过的很好”的模样，
以掩饰自己的不快乐。
是怕说出来被人当笑柄吗，
还是根本就不想面对，
既然暂时能躲，
就逃避吧。
方正人生就是处在抓迷藏的游戏里。

突然想起五月天的一首歌：你不是真正的快乐。
我们扪心自问，我们活得快乐吗？我快乐吗？
我真的不知道。
有时候，望着身边的亲人、朋友、周围的事物，
仿佛感到幸福就眼在天边，近在咫尺。
看着一个一个灿烂笑容绽放：
那时的我只希望时间能一直延长，就一直延长吧！
但是，有时候，我感到很迷惑：
为何那些周围能带给我幸福的人竟然也能让我跌入绝望的谷底，
让我无法自拔，
只能越陷越深，
越无法明白爱究竟是怎么一回事。

是不是，到了这个地步，
我们的心开始慢慢寒了，
性格也变冷漠了，
每个人都学戴上一个假面具，
建起一座坚固的墙，
将自己围在里面，
与世隔绝。
为了掩护自己的喜怒哀乐，
为了保护自己不再被伤害，
我们是否模糊了爱的定义，
选择别过脸去否认它确确实实的存在。

爱情或许为了世俗选择离开你；
友情可能开始不再那么纯真可爱；
一切美好的事物都已拂上层层灰尘；
使今天、后天成了昨天的回忆；
甚至惊觉发现自己因世界的缘故而变了；
抬头一望
请记得，
请倾听
心里深处那个小天使的话—
这世界仍然有一种纯洁的付出
叫作无限的爱。

NEVER LOSE YOU AND ME

2011-10-27T07:26:00.001+08:00

An Earnest Prayer: Help me, Father Lord

2011-10-01T02:20:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

I pray for your forgiveness, or in any way that I may have offended you.
Cleanse my heart from in and out and allow me to walk in your desired path.
Therefore, help me Father Lord, please provide me your blessed full wisdom, wise, strength, carefulness, calm and stay focused heart and mind that I may ace my coming EOYs with flying colours.
May your work shine greatly upon me, such that my results can glorify your holy blessed name.

Though I am unworthy of your blessings, but Father Lord, do not forsake me, but instead lead me and guide me unto the path of success, just as you have said "Let the little children come to me", "My grace is sufficient for you", "I can do all things through God who strenghtens me" and finally "With God, all things are possible".

Thus, Father Lord, I pray that you may strengthen my faith in you and show to the world your amazing grace and mighty power.
BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!!!

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

~Grace

雨天病情

2011-09-22T11:27:00.000+08:00

昨天外面下雨了
我似乎感染了雨的寒气
不幸病倒了。

一个最喜爱的天气
被这病魔如此玩弄地
已丢失了可爱的一面。

校外刮起阵阵大风
无情地将那份寒气吹进我心里
无法抵挡的身躯剧烈地颤抖。

坐上冷气巴士
细细品味两旁驶过的每个风景
不想理会头上那憎恨的空调。

一到家便疯似的冲进冲凉房里
冷冻的手指将已剥去的层层校服
急忙地扔进洗衣篮里。

随手扭开热水器的旋钮
抬头等待
那盼望已久的热水。

花洒降下的热水纷纷打在身上
有点儿烫手
我顿时将半身子探出花伞外。

然而那股暖意
犹如一条条小川河痛快地
由体外流进我心内。

热水沿着我身躯
轻轻拍打在地板上
嘀嗒嘀嗒形成动听的旋律。

无意中视线撞上了对面的镜子
水蒸气将它盖得模糊不清
透过它隐约地看到自己的身影。

猛地发现竟已过了半个钟
为何浸沉在热水澡的那一瞬间
仿佛仅仅只流逝了一寸光阴。

终于在父母的催促下，
坚决地关掉热水器依依不舍地
拖着湿漉漉的身子告别了这温暖的天地。

可一踏出来后便后悔极了
虚弱的身体不听使唤地
恢复了那该死的病态。

只见一会儿鼻塞
一会儿鼻水却暖暖而落
一整盒纸巾也便这样湿透了。

阻塞的鼻子失去了嗅觉的功能
周边的声音也遭殃而显得如此遥远
就连沙哑的声音也少了往日的那份魅力。

无力的我被病魔打败的快崩溃了
只能选择逃避选择退缩到被窝里
苦苦等待着隔天这恶梦的延续。

哎，病倒的滋味真是不好受 :(

反反复复的雨天

2011-09-21T07:11:00.000+08:00

无奈的雨季

反复的思念

形成美丽的伤害

犹如雨水般

一滴滴打在我心头上。

湿漉漉的发尾

湿透了的衣角

雨水参泪水

一串一串的

流到我的嘴角边。

下雨的时候

除了想你还是想你

想为你撑起伞

洗去那一身湿透了

的过去的寒意。

一人在雨中徘徊

一人在雨中落泪

一人在雨中的想念

好比这场倾盆大雨

淹没了我单纯的心灵。

“呵呵，我还过不惯没有你的雨天。”

雨天的故事

2011-09-20T11:45:00.000+08:00

下雨天
初次的相遇
散发着花草淡淡的香味.

下雨天
我们肩并肩
一同倾听雨的旋律.

下雨天
远处见你疯似的奔向我
丢弃了伞我们拥抱在一起.

下雨天
你曾对我承诺
对天发誓这辈子永远不离开我.

下雨天
我站在繁忙的人群中
撑着伞寻找着那熟悉的身影.

下雨天
我傻傻的等待
盼望着你那不会再归来的背影.

下雨天
我独自行走
追寻我们曾留下的足迹.

下雨天
我不再孤独
你化为守护天使伴在我左右.

下雨天
一个悲伤的天气
暗藏了你我之间灿烂的过去.

下雨天
我贪心品味
你从天赐予我的美好祝福.

下雨天
我抬头望着天
开始发现是你让我恋上了雨天.

爱你的那个雨天

2011-09-16T22:12:00.000+08:00

爱是盲目，
是我傻傻地恋上你。
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
爱是奢侈，
让我曾贪想陪你到天荒地老。
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
爱是付出，
使我毫无理由地淘空我全部的心。
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
爱是发现，
使我痛苦地面对你的无理。
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
爱是明白，
我们本是两个不同世界的人。
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
爱是无助，
在爱与不爱之间我犹豫不决。
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
爱是放弃，
使我学会不得不放你自由。
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
爱是遗憾，
只能眼睁睁看你化为虚空。
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
爱是一厢情愿，
是我太不该爱上你。

原来。。。一切的一切竟是我自作自受。

Credits: The 2nd stanza is written by our very pro poet, Mok Hui Min:)
Enjoy~hope you like it!!!
I LOVE RAIN(i mean rainy season, not the singer,hahas^^)

Inspirations from MIDNIGHT CHILDREN ^ ^

2011-08-09T06:52:00.000+08:00

Heartbeats thumping;
red blood rushing;
flushing away the whites
of my already embarrased face.

I'm trying to ignore;
to make a feckless attempt;
to push your presence
out of my field of vision.

Yet wherever you go;
it seems like an irresistible instinct;
to follow your backview
till it extinguishes far away.

Each time my mind lingers on you;
each time I feel I'm growing mad;
I try resisting but
this feeling keeps coming back.

Deep inside me;
I know this love won't work;
but trust me;
I'm trying not to fall in love with you.

WHAT'S FUTURE?

2011-07-22T14:31:00.000+08:00

An empty track,
silent in its stand.
An endless road stretched
Into a world of clouds, and wind and what more.

Everchanging fates so sweetly entwinged
Yet dreams so opposite in poles
Shredded this otherwise perfect destiny
And emptied it into aome abyss of loneliness and regrets.

The scent of love still lingers on
Yet reality chose to deny its existence
Even after a long way of stumbling and struggling
Everything ended back st square one.

When all hope was thought to have gone
Came a hopeful turning point,
But was deviated from its path
By the brushing past of two lone figures.

Both in opposing polarities
To a future where they never turn to look back,
And I wonder where it will lead them
Into the unpredicting future of two separated paths?

BIG-EYED SMALL CAT

2011-07-20T13:25:00.000+08:00

hahas, tday was corporate video filming day 1(dont know if have day 2 or not...)
well, 6.54am, i went audi backstage dressing room to meet stylists. But the 1st thing i did was to carry extra chairs:)
then the stylists came at around 7am or sth...didnt look at watch.
3 hair stylists and 1 makeup artist, all looking very professional.
My bangs was first cut(cos teachers say need to be above eyebrowso.O, haiz)
they even suggested if i wanted to cut my hair into bob, which i said no, hestitanatly but firmly.
I wont give anything just to cut my hair, not now at least...
then, u just ironed my hair, oh the machine felt super duper hot, and i could literally feel my hair being fryed to crisps, and i was wrapped around in the whatever hair-cutting-cloak(which looks super pro once again cos it even has sleeves for hands,hahas)
then, I was like sweating inside and outside, literally burning liao, then my hair stylist said "very hot, keep the door close, so no aircon will escape". Phew, finally, someone echoed my exact senitments:D so nice rite?
Then , my hair was ironed straight and down, then teachers said must tie hair up cos it's long hair, not short bob....
ok then, tied up. I still prefer my bangs long...anw, wadever lah, cos got free and (expensive,i guess)service and free haircut that pratically 99% of the student body wont get to enjoy at all...
oh, and she sprayed my hair super lots of time, but it does not feel sticky at all, unlike the normal kind of gel...
then , I was shifted to make-up session,hahas. Not too mosheng cos i have done it before...
the make-up artist was so skilful, teachers insisted on light make-up, so that makes up only light foundation, blush and lips gloss, which i guess is stilll ok, like it's still student-like, and not some meishaonu. lol:D
but, somehow i feel my lip gloss is a shade reder than the rest, like mine was pink-red, while the others was quite light-pale. Maybe she feels that my lips are vasoconstricted, not red enof. mb like a dead person,hahas.
Anw, all the stylists skills are so good, that the best i could do is still to thank them...guess "our strengths are finite"-said by Mr. Huang....
then, I look so different.
then , we walked out of dressing room and quickly ushered into the GO(cos they said perspiration will ruin makeup!!!). Guess we needed to keep repeating the same thing to everyone whom we meet, teachers still tot y we r in the GO enjoying aircon. Some even said y we looked so diff, like rly pale. hahas, guess can act in ghost shows liao...
the director team then prepared to set up their equpments. had a talk with wanglaoshi, Mr. Ng, the Director, his assistant-->a very friendly and nice lady(dunno y my eyes twitching now...), the crew and many other teachers. Oh, apparently, they were arguing over the issue of nametags. Mr. Ng insisted that wearing nametags is a must cos it represents the school...
but the assistant assured that it wont pose a prob cos opening and closing scene is an exception. Then, she said why not standardise the colour of the nametags(red, i think), which means we need to wear sec 3 nametags, which means i need to take up someone else's identity for the day...
tbut Mr. Ng refused, saying that parents might not be happy...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
imagine the amount of time spent on debating this issue, i mean both have valid points and stuff, so i wont side any side...
but still quite interesting to hear, like some panel discussion,hahas.
finally, verdict out: Spare the nametags!!!
erm, ok. but there's two tiny holes in my hongzi, if u dont mind, u noe.
which no one mind, or even saw(act, the assistant saw but cld do nth on it anw, so yeah...)
then, the filming started.
The director told us many things on being a movie star, or even an actress...like “拍戏就是要一直等等等，u will have to wait everytime", "acting should come from ur heart, it should be natural. So smile from ur heart, so that ppl can feel ur smile. Dont smile for th sake of smiling, 要从内心发出来的" and many many more. act, i kind of know this, but it's still kinda of hard when u try it, so i try to think of sth very hopeful and cheerdul, like me being in japan now and stuff. Then, I thot of God in the clouds(dont know y, bbut it's a spur on the moment to seek strength from him" ...
I feel that the Director is rly nice and friendly, and i guess very specialised in his area...
Oh, did i tell u that Im the 2nd shortest tho im like Sec 4. Ok, so it goes, Sec 1,Sec 4, Sec 3, Sec 2...
apparently, the last 2 are super damn the tall, haiz, got defeated by them(i mean in heights k?hahas)
btw, I was the only one tying up my hair cos the rest are bobs...ok, so i became the odd one out,lol...
the, we had our shot.
it's just the opening scene where we will stand there and just look hopeful and smile.
but it's all under the sun and the wind.
U know, we had to go thru quite a few "cameras rolling", "shift to ur left a bit", "straigthen ur blouse", "smile and loook hopeful", "dont blink so much", "more smile, naturally", "look at the spot","eye-line", "sun's down", "wait for more wind", "sun's coming out, but not for long, so rest a while", "ok, out, start", "camera zoom", "..................." before the finally-awaited "cut!".
phew! It's was tough, standing in front of the sun, yet eyes blinking so much, eyes tearing like shit, eyes squinting, heart beating frantically, all the while pushing away the urge to look away and run or cry or move or sth.
IT WAS TOUGH, MAN!!! try that and u'll have a phobia of the sun's reflected rays.
But i love it when the sun's rays was not so intense and hot, merely brushing against my eyes, I like it even more when the wind gently caresses my face, i like it even more when i try to do my best, exchanging a "very good, maintain it there(i think that's what the assistant said)" and finally, the director applauding all of us, thanking us for the hard work we put in. hahas, the 4 of us even took a pic tgther(kindly offered by the assistant), all except me "cheeeeessse!!!"
haiz, y NY girls dont cheesse when it's good to cheesse...
hahas, anw, i dont think u'll see me long enough in the film cos im just part of the opening and closing scene.
the main zhujue is the Sec 1 girl who is very cute yet pretty at the same time, her voice very anime-like(high-pitched). oh, then i realised from the director's questioning that I was the only one who didnt went for audition. The other 3 went for auditions(whoa!!!). I heard they had to go thru interviews, and then need to gice a one min speech abt the school...that's stringent, i guess. So impromptu.
anw, I rly enjoyed the whole shooting, ended fasted than i thot. decided i might reconsider my dream of becoming an actress(dont know how far that will carry me, but i'll try my best when the opportunity comes)...
anw, tday, during class contact time, we listened to a song "Where Is The Love?" and apparently I got so affected by the lyrics and song that I felt like crying. Even tho the song's rhythm was very catchy and not emo, somehow, the more I look at the lyrics, the more sad I felt. It's like the song's just a cover for the true intent of the lyrics. The more i stared at it, the more emotional i got, to the extent where I started believing with all my heart that the world is truly an unfair place and when I saw the part Father, Father, Father help us, I felt so powerless and tears just leaked out incontrollably. I tried to control it, but the more i controlled, the harder it became, the stronger the anger welled up in me, and the tears were never-ending. I mean i knew that life was unfair and stuff, but never did i come to feel such a great connection to the pain that was expressed in the lyrics, it was as if I was looking into y own future, afraid that one day, I will also become the victims of cruelty, to be bounded to this fate, to be kept mute by others, even forcing myself to accept sth that I know can never be changed but can never be right too...
so yeah, I was flooded with these emotions, and the one thing i wanted to do was to get out of everyone's stares and to get out of the suffocating classrooom...
anw, here's a poem i doodled on the song before i cried, the!!!:
"It's a small world,
In the small congested lane,
Where I brushed against a small little kitten.

Its eyes look so pure,
In its small pupil of tanteum,
I see its small iris contract.

Staring right at me,
A small little, insignificant brad
In the whole vast haven of human beings."

BLEEDING LOVE TEDDY

2011-07-13T08:21:00.000+08:00

LIFE IS LIKE A TRAIN RIDE,
never knowing when you will board,
never boarding when you will get down,
all that's known is it's never an eternal ride,
AND THAT'S LIFE.
.............................................................................
Sometimes, you see they myriad of colours,
whizzing past as you flash past,
occasionally splattering some onto your life platter,
and when you wish to take a look longer,
they vanish and fade away.
.............................................................................
AND THAT'S LIFE
always catching you in suprise when you look away,
always sneaking away in silence when you stop in awe,
WE ARE LIFE'S PUPPETS, BOUND BY ITS CHAINS,
DANGLING BY ITS NASTY JOKES.
.............................................................................
And when you try to break free,
you end up in a state of mental exhaustion
feeling your soul drained bit by bit
tll the time you become battered all over
and till the day hurt and hatred come to stay in your heart
.............................................................................
LIFE AND TRAIN RIDE, TRAIN RIDE AND LIFE
no one can stop a 50km/sec hurtling train
no one can control life
no one knows when the train will stop for boarding
just as no one knows what to expect in life
.............................................................................
AND THAT'S LIFE

p.s. I just watched dance films produced by Vincent Thng(the talent scouter for our school) and other filmmakers. Very inspiring:D

SUPERMARKET TRIP

2011-07-12T08:21:00.000+08:00

hahas, went shopping with my parents in IMM like dont know aft how long alr:)
It's grocery shopping btw. I hate shoppping actually(unless it's shopping for my stuff,lol, I'm so practical-my parents always say) cos I always say
"I HATE SHOPPING AND LOOKING AT NON-LIVING THINGS!!!"

then my mum would kindly remind me that clothes and shoes and bags are also non-living things, so since I hate non-living things so much, she can then not have to buy anything for me...
yeah, so kind right?
then I'll "哼!whatever loh, clothes and stuff are like essential daily items, unlike XYZ..."
and my family will take turns shooting ideas at each other, once in a while developing that idea into a decent point,lol:D

anw, it's grocery shopping and I said"Ok!!!:DI dont mind at all"
then my parents started eyeing me suspiciously, like I have some hidden agenda or sth up my sleeves"
"U sure? Grocery shopping are very boring leh!U better not tag along, lest I've some ranting fellow tugging at my sleeve..."
and I was like" No loh, grocery shopping is 'live' one cos got live fishes, live prawns(nt rly actually lah cos they r like lying there on ice), fresh veggie, fresh fruits and stuff, and all are an eye-opening for me, so why cant I tag along?I dont care, I'm in"

so, two adults end up bringing a troublesome kid for some grocery shoppping,hahas...
so, first, I was wandering around some shelves, looking at some plastic containers, and thinking "oh, so i still encountered some non living things._."
anw, after having walked out of that stupid maze of PVC, polyethene, leather, fabric and what else there is, I finally reached my final destination:D

The air-coned dry market,lol:)
and I started walking around rounds and rounds of racks of dead(!!!it's supposed to be living like a few hrs ago) fish, veggie, white and brown mushrooms, sweet berries and yellow 笨奶奶(banana lah), and etc...and we started filling our baskets with a great dal of those, all the while keeping a lookout of any good deals and offers. And so when I saw the round and juicy berries that have been trying to enchant me to her, I said to my parents" Berries, deal or no deal?" of course, it just means "Do u wanna but some, it looks awesome" , but the look my parents gave me told me otherwise. They prob were thinking how on earth did their daughter turned into some TV show emcee, and still cant figure out.And of course, without waiting for them to respond, I just grabbed a plastic bag and started dumping in as many cherries as I can...
hahas, of course, they were shocked, but in the end, they were convinced that the berries were worth buying, thanks to my convincing persuasion:)

Well, these living berries are still kept inside my fridge, waiting to be eaten by me very very soon,ahahs.It must have been such a honor to be chosen by me:)

We bought other worth mentioning stuff, like orangy carrots, cute little mushrooms, greeny veggie, nutrious eggs, etcetc. Oh! We bought some non-living things lah, like soap and toothpastem which is so not grocery shopping,but wadever lah.
At least, I got a gd look at the fishes, prawns and crabs. I was quite disgusted by the fact that there were some mutated crab legs lying hapahrdly around, yuckss...but there were rare frog legs, but i felt quite gross out cos i once witness how they hammer the frogs till they fainted and how they used a scissors to deskin them, u will rly pity the frogs when u see this ttly ttly undescribable process...guess u didnt knew abt this rite?hahas...
Grocery shopping rly rly fun and entertaining as u made ur way in and out of shelves, racks and yet another seires of shelves and racks:Dlol...and u get to spend quality time with ur family which is gd. My feeling then was like 宇多田ヒカル - Goodbye Happiness(which im listening rite now), could ttly feel the atmosphere pumping in me:D

100% recommend everyone to do it once in a while(not frequently cos u might get bored out, just like how i get so bored out seeing non-living things everyday,hahas)!!!So what r u waiting for, go now!!!

Ok, after this song, I'm going to go...
GO SNIFF OUT MY FRIDGE AND EAT MY PRETTY PURPLE CHERRIES!!!
hmm, yum yum!!!

WHAT TO DO?

2011-07-05T14:32:00.000+08:00

Newton MOELC wrote this:
"今年２月２４日に東京大学のコースについての説明が行われました。

そのInternational Program on Japan in East Asia と International Progam on Environmental Sciencesのコースと留学の案内が届きました。

日本に留学することを考えている学生、見ておきましょう。

The University of Tokyo Admission and Application

APPLICATION PERIOD starts FALL 2011

Full application details at:http://www.c.u-tokyo.ac.jp/eng_site/admission

The University of Tokyo plans to offer generous merit-based scholarship opportunities to suitably qualified students, including “The Todai Scholarship”, which will cover tuition and living expenses for four years. There will also be housing and other support available.

The courses will have English as the medium of instruction. Students do not need to be proficient in the Japanese language to enroll for these degrees. Intensive Japanese language classes will be offered, especially during the first two years, so that students will also have the opportunity to enhance their Japanese-language skills.
(2) Students having attained a high level of academic performance on completion of their first two years of study, and who wish to major in a discipline other than the two listed above, may choose from numerous other programs offered not only on the Komaba Campus, but also from various faculties on other University of Tokyo campuses;
(3) Graduating students will be able to apply for further study at the University of Tokyo's various graduate schools including those at Komaba.

Fate of Destinies

2011-06-28T11:22:00.000+08:00

A wolf howled.

A gust of cool air swept past my moonlit face.

I stood, face up staring into the dark sky, as if to unveal some long forgotten secret that hid within. The wind hit my face, forcingly pushing my hair upwards and finally dropping back to cover my face once the wind stopped. I felt a sudden tinge of pain as the tips of the hair dug into my eyes. I blinked; and blinked again. My eyes turned red, as tears welled up, awakening my thoughts...

He was gone. Ever since he made that decision, he had stepped out of my life; out of my vision; and out beyond my reach, forever gone. Gone, no matter how much I cried for him to stay; was gone, no matter how many times I begged him not to abandon me; he was gone, no matter how much I told him I love him. Even when he assured me that he would never leave me alone, he left me. Dangling alone to face everything in this big, cruel world.

The day he left, I was still sleeping, always believing the sweet promise that he had made to me. Yet when I woke up, finally understanding the cause of his absence, I realised that there is nothing in this world but lies. LIES. But, what can I do? My happiness was so shortlived, that I even lost the courage to hate. I couldn't bring myself to hate someone whom I so foolishly yet dearly loved. At the same time, I was lost as to how to live a day without him. My body was on the verge of collasping, and my mental mind was trobbing so much ever since I registered the fact that he had left. I was exhausted, depressed, lost and hurt...to the point where I was like a vase dangling precariously on the table edge, threatening to drop down any moment and shatter into shards, unreversible.

Between to love and to hate, I prefer to torture myself than to even hurt him in any way. I chose to live in lies, just as how he had left my life to be. Since he had decided to push me into this dark, lonely abyss back then, I willed myself to sink further and further into the darkness till its long, looming shadow submerge me completely; till the day I drown my soul in my own sorrows, never to surface to the light and never to wake up to the cruel truth that held my fate.

Perhaps I was bluffing myself, but at least it had kept me barely alive all this while. At least, by lying to myself, a tiny spark of newfound hope arose against all odds, itching to spring up into a hopeful wellspring with every faith that I put inside...

Finally, a tear leaked out and trickled down the streamline of my face...

The wind carasses my face again, this time gently and slowly. The tears dried up, leaving only a faint stain as evidence of its ceased presence. The voice of the wind filled the air with sweet singing and even I began to believe that my sacrifices and long wait were worth it. A tiny voice told me that he would come back; that he would one day return to my side and never to leave me again...I shut my eyes, hugging this faith close to my heart. Smiling at last, I lifted my face and sung softly to the high-up darkness that holds our destinies...

"Lost in the sea of loneliness,
There's a dreamy world up there,
where I know with all my certainty,
What's going on with you and me,
Is a good thing.
It's true, I believe in you.
So return by my side,
Or carry me far far away,
Hold faith to this sweet promise,
And let this love empower us,
Cos I know there's more to this belief,
where our destinies tangle so sweetly together,
Till we embrace the coming of the new future..."

Inspirations from アリース学園:)

2011-06-07T12:40:00.000+08:00

This Starry Night

Noise, fire, the stinging reek of burning. People scrambling, escaping for their sear lives. Run! Run, get out of there! I shouted louder. But amidst the sea of red, I spot her on the ground, her hands sprawled at the side. I stood in horror as I took in this image. I saw her eyelids fluttering, I saw her lips trembling slightly, I saw her body contorting in extreme pain, and I again saw the pair of white hands stained in red. Blood. Tainted her pair of sacred hands. Tears welled in my eyes, blocking my vision for a while. A tear leak out and memories of the past overwhelmed me as I collapsed onto the ground…

I would never forget her pair of hands, no matter how hard I tried. It was this pair of loving hands that first stroked the ice that had consumed my soul in the past; that illuminated the dark solitude that I had existed on; that gave me warmth and wiped away my tears, all the while saying that “everything would be alright” when I was bullied; that had pushed me away when the explosion hit us, only in the hope of protecting her loved ones and yet neglecting her own safety. This lifeless pair of hands now dangling in front of me was once so delicate yet string and which belongs to one who only thinks of the happiness of others and never for herself. This pair of hands had managed to shield me, but had failed her instead. They had failed to catch her when she was hurled up into the sky and even after she was flung back down. The ground shook when her fragile frame hit the hard concrete cement with a thump that stopped my heart in its tracks. Only then, did I realize that I had cruelly taken away the life in her hands. If not for me, she would not have been the one lying there.

Run! I screamed at her, tears running down my face. But she remained motionless, only for a streak of crimson that trickled past her lips and onto the ground engulfed in red. Drip, drip, drip…the momentum was driving me crazy! No! It can’t be! Tell me now! Tell me that everything was just a nightmare! Please! Wake up now! Don’t just lie there and ignore me! Say something, you stupid, say something…My voice became hoarse and I broke down. I flung myself next to her, her cold body next to mine and clenched her hands in mine. It was chilly, unlike the usual warmth that emitted from her normal bubbly self. Even the smile was gone, replaced with a painful groan. A tiny voice told me to let go, but my stubborn mind refused to give in to that thought. No, I won’t cry, I won’t come to terms with this cruel fact. I don’t want to cry. Because of these hands that had protected me all these while, I willed myself to become stronger. I want to grow up faster, so that I will never have to let go of these hands and so no one can snatch you away from me anymore. I want so much to become your pair of hands, so that I can be your pillar of strength and protect you just as you had protected me before. So, please don’t leave me alone. Let me hold on to your hand forever under this starry night, where only you and I exist…

THE RICH VS THE POOR

2011-05-19T07:04:00.000+08:00

well, so what do YOU think the ratio of the rich VS the poor would be?
50:50?(in the case of s'pore, which is a democratic society) or........
70:30?(in the case of s'pore, where the salary mean is rasied up due to the fact that the govt is earning so muach/mth) or.........
20:80?(in the case of s'pore, where poor means earning less than the govt:))

looking at your face, i bet that u also dont know right?
well, i also dont know since i havnt study economics yet, and so i shall tell you the answer when i decided to drop jap and take up economics:)

anyway, the above just show that there is no boundaries as to how we define rich and poor.
for e.g., poor to me(a student) could mean having to live off your parents for the time being, and if that's the case, then probably, 90% of the students are damn poor.

But for the country highly imfamous for HIVs, poor could means having little medicine and money to treat diseases, and if that's the case, then maybe i'm poor too cos i have no money to even afford medicine on my own(oh, and you will ask"huh?then when you sick how?". Aiyo, of course my parents tag along when i see doctor lah, stupid:))

And to the country that IH always promote, it's probably a complex situation. Apparently, other than the rich and prosperous Beijing, Shanghai and other urban districts, IH always told us how the land-locked provinces have so little money till they suffer from long-term poverty and blah blah blah...However, CC2 told us that even city people also very poor, cos they dont have any money to afford house renting or even to support their ageing parents and families at the same time...so i kind of wonder how a person can actually be rich yet poor at the same time._. or is it inconsistency in logic or nonsensicakl censorship from the media? I really cant decide:(

well, moving on to the rich. Being rich probably means big houses, big cars, big business, big companies internationally, big bucks rolling in, etc, then it most probably point to either 1)the govt, 2)the businessman, 3)actors acting as big shao4 ye2(in the case of BFF perhaps, which is kind of sad, cos the actor'll most probably feel very miserable since he is so wei1 feng1 on screen, but when he's off scene, it's the dao3 yan3 who's wei1 feng1).

but the funniest thing is that the poor and rich always act very differently.
E.g.1: In company parties or special events, poor people act as if they are very rich, they still can afford to wear pretty diamonds(real or fake, dont quite know) and they can still afford to dress nicely. maybe this's their gu3 qi4?but when they want to 争取穷人利益, they will cry and announce to the whole world how poor and miserable their life is.which is so lols:)

E.g.2: The rich acts damn super rich when they are in functions and some all-rich-peeps parties, but when they are in front of charities, they say they actually not very rich , just that they inherited company and stuff from XYZ...well, isnt it the same actually?lol:)

so, this shows that people have split personality in them and that it is uncontrollable, unchangeable, unforgiveable(not really lah), unnecessary, unpredictable, unblah-blah-blah...
ok, I realised that this is a whole piece of crap cos my inspiration is so FAIL!!!I'm so disappointed in myself, cant even blog well. But whatever lah, not like it's my fault, who asked me to be so so so bored...

I have split personality too:):D=P XD^.^
o(*^o^*)o --> so cute:) -->so grossXP

WHEN I WAS SIXTEEN, IT WAS ALL ABOUT GRACES!!!

2011-03-17T14:27:00.000+08:00

well, i guess u can tell that i'll b writing abt camp right?
GRACES CAMP...well, i cant rly think of much except that it wad rly fun...
n there's lot of tasty&disgusting food(i.e. bug floating in ur drink?gross enough?)
n lots of glam&unglam photos(of how ppl behave behind closed doors)...
n th chalet was rly comfortable:)
the first thing that dawned upon us when we reached downtown east was that the D'Marquee was actually just like an enlarged tent with aircon,that is.
and the 2nd thing HM,Lilia and I found out was that th waiters will somehow manage to pick up ur plate 1 second after u empty ur plates.
and i do mean 1 second, rly efficient right?
but as the saying goes, no one is perfect...and so as the days passed, their rate of clearing plates against time has increased significantly, so much that we could pile up six plates at one go and the plates would go unnoticed.
But of course, nonetheless, i'll still rate their service as excellent since no one is perfect, as the saying goes:)
so, Thumbs Up to the Waiters!!!
Chalet: 1724, Block G...
well, so i thot, this camp must have got quite a bit of affinity with me,huh?
cos 1) my name's grace(just in case u thot i was gracci...). 2)the camp is named GRACES. 3)I'm staying at Block G for this camp.
well, it sure does fit tgther nicely, doesnt it?GGG....I cld go chanting on n in abt this...
in case u're thinking im being sarcastic, here's th good thing:)
I'm sleeping on th top "bunk bed" n th TV's right in front of me, meaning that i can watch "absolute bf" at 11.30pm(that is if i manage to not sleep b4 10pm, which i did of course)
the bed however, at one point, became sth that lilia n I wld use as a stepping stone to see ourselves in the mirror and it was also a gd platform to pose in the mirror(full body picture, mind you)
and one gets to eavesdrop in the chalet's toilet cos apparently when u bathe, u can hear everythg so clearly that it seems as if th noises came from ur rm...
quite creepy, i know:(
furthermore, there's a balcony which i suppose u can use it as a bridge to 1723.
as for 1725, there's a sdjoining rm, so no worry.
I feel like im giving out the internal network to some enemy or sth, hahas:D
and of course, we keep our rm neat n tidy, like ARMOS(a respected member of society, just in case evrythg u've learnt have gone down th drain)
unlike others, who just pile thgs here and there, we arrange them so neatly to the extent that if u had come into our rm that day, u wld most likely see a row of shoes arranged as if going to pancake against the wall,lol...
and of course, the princesses of this room are me, Lilia and Peixuan.
As for Hui Min, she is the Marfia 老大 of this room...
and we lived happiliy(not ever after) in the room from 9th-11th March 2011, in case u were wondering...
we posed, we laughed, we bickered, we slept like a log, we bathed, we sung songs, we make-uped, we pranced around, we sat, we watched TV, we stayed up late, we waited for teachers to patrol, we locked then unlocked then locked the adjoing door, we placed a chair at the door in the evening and make sure that th balconly' locked, we set alarm clock, we brushed teeth, we walked around, we lazed like a pig, we yawned, we woke each other up, we snacked, we did almost everything under th stars(there's a balconly to see if there's stars) ...
as for meals, we had 5--6 meals a day, from
BREAKFAST
MORNING TEA
LUNCH
AFTERNOON TEA
DINNER
SUPPER...
u can imagine how fat we must have grown...
but again, the fact that they've planned so much activities for us and that we had to walked quite a distance from chalet to D'Marquee probably have allowed us to cut down quite a lot on calories...
Malay Extravanganza Night was fun, with Malay guests interacting with us...though we were more勤慎端朴:)
we ate with our hands, which HM refused to do so no matter what...
and we took photos with them(well, actually, there was only one photo)
The Allegra was exciting too...
with so many photos taken(with friends, teachers and friends again), so little make up put on(well, as compared to the others, it was quite mild), with the weirld disco lighting, with the sudden "ladyly" atmosphere, with the class parade, with so much internal competition on who is prettier n so on, with so much public attention from the waiters, with so much things to catch up, with so much poses that we need to think of(cant b posing th same for everythg rite?), with such おいしい食べ物served, one cant resist the temptation to have a taste of it...
including me:)
oh, ARMOS was quite exciting too cos th hat keep sliding up and down my head, and so my vision went clear and blur and clear again...
and our colour tone was black n white, look like magicians, doesnt it?
Everyone was like looking/scruntinising us, so you can imagine the limelight we had(in a good yet bad way, depending on which u prefer more)
and we had silver n gold butterfly ribbons tied on both our hands, almost like we are prisoners from an enchanted fairyland:)
so yeah, that’s probably all that I can think of right now...
just in case u’re still hungry for info, just check out every NYGH girl’s facebook, there’s bound to b sth that will feed ur hunger, so why not take action now?

~th same old gracci

12 January 2011

2011-01-13T04:01:00.000+08:00

Hahas, so well, guess I'm all smiles now...
yesterday, I was still emo-ing on bus, thinking like "oh man, it's my b-day and it's gonna b so lonely"
and then, I saw a banner hung outside a school(shld be jurong sec)
and it wrote "Come to our open house.12 January."
and i just kept staring at it till it moved out of my sight(mind you, I was sitting on the bus)
and then, I just ku3 xiao4 and sighed...:(

Then, when i got home, guess what?
I saw a Polar box on my table.
On top of it wrote many b-day wishes:)
hey, that's a cake from my mum:D
yipee, so like any child, i grabbed the box and started opening it.
It was like a square cake with a damn cute hellokitty-apple cartoon picture on top.
and it was a choco-vanilla-cream cake...
wow, like multi-layer right,hahas:D
heng2 you2 kou2 gan3:P

then, on the grand day of 12/01/1995,
i went to sch and it seemed so quiet.
sat by the school pond.
listen to the water ripples.
feel the wind brush past.
immerse in the silence.
went up class.
everyone looked so monotonous/quiet.
check gmail.
saw an e-card by MHM:)
face lit up.
jackpot,i've got my b-day wish:D
saw Lilia hiding sth under her pencil case.
ok.
info processed in my mind.
Lilia passed a cute plastic bag to me n said"happy b-day,grace"
hahas,so happy.
one prettily decorated G-key chain and two rly cute panda sweets:)
sth u'll nvr get in ur entire life...so be envious
hahas.
then, MHM gave me a CRUNCHIE choco bar n a GoBSTOPPeR(sounds chime rite:D)
hey, how did she knows that i love choco^^
and she wished me a soft b-day during assembly,hahas:)
well, just want to thank them here...
thankyouthankyou for ur presents,b-day wishes...and ur xin1 yi4:D
n the class wished me happy b-day as well:D
even, my facebook was spammed(well, not spammed exactly) wiv 13 online b-day wishes
this sounds a bit like n+1 rite?(where n is 12)
:)
even, my jap sensei was v.nice to me.
so i guess dat having a b-day on WED(Jap time)isnt so bad exactly...

but, most importantly, i wanna thank my parents for letting me become 16:D
so thank you mum and dad,for
1. borning me into this world n letting me experience life
2. ur presents
3. the happy moments we spent together:D
4. the no. of meals and money splurged on me
5. putting up with my unique personality...
6. ur unconditional yet never-ending love

16 IS A TURNING POINT n IT WILL BE:D
mada mada dane

"I want to thank God for giving me this opportunity to be part of this universe, to be able to gain strength through my life experiences, to be able to experience love and peace in this world, to be able to do many things that I want:D and to learn how to treasure everything that I have...
I hereby pray that in my future life journey, may Father Lord shine The path for me, guide me in my daily life and to strengthen me throughout as I live each and every day of my lifetime...May God Bless My 16th Birthday With Never-ending Exciting Surprises and More:)
With God, there are no endings, only endless beginnings
Praise the Lord!!!
Amen."

~Chan Shi Hui Grace^o^

hahas:D

2010-11-03T06:45:00.000+08:00

HIHIHI!!!
I'm in a good goody mood TDAY!!!
guess what, I just received an sms from my ballet teacher, saying that
I've got distinction for my Intermediate Foundation RAD Examination:)
yipee!!!
All I can say is "Thank you Lord!!!"
well, I guess I will continue to ganbatsute!!!
but still I cant hide my happiness:):):)
well, that's all.
still waiting for the verdict if there would be beach cleaning...
haiz...

Long time no see:D

2010-10-28T12:46:00.000+08:00

HEY!!!
looks like I'm back alr, but not for long...
cos I'm watching BOF again:)
still stuck at ep 9 part 2/6 (to be exact)
and I'm still quite numb over my...well results, i mean EOY results,

so I'm afraid that I've got to take some time to refresh myself...
pretty sad right.
How I wish that I'm like the F4 and Jan Di, who dont need to take exams and can run ANYWHERE AND ANYTIME they wish, and their sch facilities are like so cool and royal-like...
haiz, feeling so poor now:(
but nvm, I shall cheer up by tuning in to BOF now^.^

2010-08-31T13:28:00.000+08:00

just finished my intermediate foundation vocational exam:)
erm, not too bad actually but i was pretty nervous as the other candidates were quite good.
but they were nervous too...
really hope that i did really well:D
btw, the examiner smiled a lot and so i smiled a lot too:D
and my hair's pretty much geled up, super neat i guess?
hahas, so i guess need not to worry abt my ballet alr...
lol
oh and happy teachers' day to all teachers:D

2010-08-30T14:31:00.000+08:00

"Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another."~Author Unknown
"To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful." ~Agnes De Mille
"Dancing is the loftiest, the most moving, the most beautiful of the arts, because it is not mere translation or abstraction from life; it is life itself. " ~Havelock Ellis
"Dance is the hidden language of the soul." ~Martha Graham
"We dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams."
"Dancers aren't made of their technique, but their passion."
"You know you're dancing when tears of pain and happiness blend in with your sweat" ~anonymous
"Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their passion." ~Martha Graham

ohisashiburi!!!

2010-07-12T15:23:00.000+08:00

well, as I was browsing through kanata hongo's blog, I was thinking "hey! his blog updates monthly..." and suddenly I realised that my blog was dead for months.
I was really shocked.
to know that time flies, so fasto.O
this month's going to be like a damn busy week, with exams n ballet n homework n many many more...
got to buck up...
anw, I was thinking how I should digress(do you spell it like this, oh nvm)
yeah, I'm bored.
somehow I wished that this whole post could be translated to Japanese right away, but yeah fat chance right???
speaking of Japanese, I'm gonna have Japanese CA4 this Wed and it's so soon
Which is why I was looking at kanata Hongo's blog for like reference for my Japanese study?
I dont quite know, life's hard you know.
How I wish I'm like some sort of a star, then perhaps I need not to go for Cross-Country or go to school everyday...and at least I can busy myself with something I like(at least)
but, still fat chance(I'm laughing at myself)
You know what I told myself?
I said I'm not gonna be some doctor/accountant or something...maybe someone special, but I doubt that will even happen.
Sort of feeling quite sad when I thought of this, it's like something so faraway that I can never reach or touch:(
sort of the opposite of how Mr. CCB feels right, cos it's just different.
I dont know, but my ambition is just different, I dont want my life wasted you know, but it's just impossible to happen...
IMPOSSIBLE, esp so when you have nothing to help you.
well, just in case you are wondering why I'm ranting on and on, it's just that I've got to say it before I like get sucked into a mudpool or something(nice humour, huh?)
then, I guess that's all(I hope)
guess I'll see you all soon...=)

2010-04-27T14:40:00.000+08:00

"Nice One, The Mackintosh of Mackintosh;)"
*touch not the cat bot a glove*meow!!!

P.S. Shall I post a wild cat:P???

2010-04-01T15:45:00.000+08:00

hehe...
to prove Lilia wrong, I shall post now.
A short one, cos I'm watching Hana Kimi NOW...
anw, Lilia's quite right, my blog's a bit,
nope I mean quite dead.
First, no one bother to tag anw.
And second, I'm too busy to write my life story in here,lol
ok, so what shall I post.

Since today's April Fool's day,
wishing you all a yurenjirekuaile!!!
oh, n our class fooled Mr. Tan,but he thot we were trying to disturb his class,
until we explained n then he felt so SORRY...hahas.
looks like our prank have opp. results on some.
anw,bio's teacher and MR. Shone got damn funny ractions.
We laughed at them at a certain time and they thot that their appearances got sth wrong.
So guess what?
Ms. Tan go and view herself in the projector screen(can see her shadow)and she even started to retreat into one corner...
while Mr. Shone started ruffling his hair, looking at his shirt,shrugging his shoulders and demanding us what went wrong.
As for Zhang laoshi, he didnt got fooled of course.
And we cant fool him cos he even said it out front that tday's april fool"s day:)
hahas.
damn hilarious.

so yeah,that's all for now
hah, Lilia, I PROVE YOU WRONG:D

0.0BS!!!hahas

2010-03-20T13:52:00.000+08:00

Hey all:D
wanna ask me abt OBS......................................................................................................................................................................

hmm...let me think,cant quite rmb.
i think got Instructor Arfan.that's all i can rmb,oh wait!

still got trekking for 7km,erm oh yeah with HEAVY BACKPACKS(T.T)hah!
raining on that day too, but scenery damn nice k.
oh n kayaking,hahas,i bet u wont believe it.

I,grace chan,am the NAVIGATOR of the day with XinYi,cant believe rite?

hahas,anw our camp 2 charles broke record(damn proud manzz), we reached camp 2 at 1.45pm after travelling 14km riding with waves(*^.^*)

happy happy~

then still got pitching tents:D...oh it rained u noe.
it rained one morning n we were soaking wet in the tent(wait for 1 hr to be rescued)

4.30am wait till 5.30am...

hate it ,but still nid to tolerate loh.
Day1,sleep camp2.
Day2,sleep camp1.
Day3,sleep near th sea,hehe.the ,waves n view damn nice,except for toilet"blush".
Day4,back at camp2.
Day5,gone.

Im oso the food baby(named by Instructor Arfan,lol),meaning i am in charge of food:)
got damn nice apples n ovaltine n orange juice.
hahas,envy liao rite?
canned food,maggie mee,rice n "raw materials" oso not bad lah.

hmm...still got what?

eh...many other memories not to be told,i guess:P

so yup, want to know OBS's rating?*drumroll pls*

here it goes...

FABULOUS!!! (other than sunburns n bruises,but that's my own fault,so yeah)

"open your parachute and fly in the blue blue sky"
JUST STAY POSITIVE n u will enjoy OBS,trust me k?
loves,gracci<3

OBS:D

2010-03-06T17:34:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it, it's gonna be O.B.S soon,
real soon I mean...haha
getting the jibes alr.
I feel so contradicting:
I can't wait for OBS to come but at the same time, I will feel so sad when the 5-day-course end.
haiz...anw, it's such a pity,
didnt manage to group with MHM n Lilia T.T
nvm, I am independent, I CAN DO IT!
"yes, I can..."

2010-03-06T08:11:00.000+08:00

I suddenly realise how much I wanted to be someone who has shugo chara(meaning eggs of their heart)
I WANT TO CHANGE, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO TRANSFORM,I WANT TO...
"unlock my heart, amulet"

HI!!!

2010-03-02T14:28:00.000+08:00

manga I have read...
1.Prince Of Tennis(more of anime actually^.^)
2.Vampire Knight
3.Fruits Basket
4.Absolute Boyfriend
5.New Prince Of Tennis
6.Shugo Chara
n i guess many many more in the future,haha:D
btw, i ate a sweet,sour and bitter orange-red fruit today,guess what is it?

2010-02-11T10:53:00.000+08:00

hellos...
I'm back officially:D
o.okay, so I wish all of you a............................................................................

"HAPPY NEW YEAR(ureshii no o syo gatsu!!!)"
~enjoy~

-grace():

BLESSED BIRTHDAY:D

2010-01-13T04:12:00.000+08:00

From Chan Shi Hui, Grace:
" I want to thank God for borning me into this world, letting me experience a lifetime on Earth, allowing me to live through times both happy and sad, encouraging me to be strong in everything and learning to treasure everything that I have. I want to thank my parents for giving me the chance to be in this world(hahas), and naming me such a lovely name that can relate to my personality:) Want to thank my mum and dad for their unconditional love for ME, even though I may be rebellious at times. Mum, Dad, I really can't express my gratitude to you for all the things you have done in my life, and I will never forget the wonderful moments we had spent as a FAMILY. Next, are Mok Hui Min and Lilia. Even though the surprise didn't work out(thanks to me^.^), I am really touched. Really. I totally love the surprise Care Bear(from Hui Min & Lilia), the "zizizaza" mirror and the cute little note(both from Lilia) Thank you for letting me to spend my birthday with smiles(hahas:D) and laughter...Lastly, I want to wish myself a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ME!!! I pray that Father Lord will guide me in my path, lead me in my ways and strengthen me throughout even as I live through each day of my lifetime. As a saying goes," With God, there are no endings, only ENDLESS BEGINNINGS..." Praise the Lord! May my life be filled with exciting surprises and blessings from God:D "
P.S. I LOVE MYSELF<3

2010-01-05T11:25:00.000+08:00

Holiday Menu : )
Place: Hong Kong and Korea
Period: 11 days
Activities: Eating desserts n noodles, shopping, Ocean Park, Snow falling, snow-ball fight, Everland, Spa Resort, Making Kimchi, trying Korean costumes, etc and...photos!!!
People met: Mum, Dad, me, Jerry(Korea tour guide,"monster instructor"), Ann(Hong Kong tour leader), Peter(damn helpful assistant,but poor thing),tour members, immigration and hotel staff and many more...:D
Currency: Larger than Singapore by 5 times(HK) and 800+(Korea), so you can expect.
Rating: Extremely fun and memorable, BETTER THAN YOURS I GUESS>.<
Btw, I got lots of photos, so too bad. No one's letting you see!!!
And I spent 31st Dec 2009 in Church for Thanksgiving day, yipeeee...and Hk+Korea got super food and clothings. hahas. I'm loving it, wee!

School has reopened.
We were still hoping that H1N1 will worsen and then got school break.
But can't be selfish.
New start,new teachers(except for Mr. Alex Teo^.^),new environment,new resolution and best of all, NEW ME<3
"See ya,darls...."

2009-11-07T09:35:00.000+08:00

CSHG, going to EAST COAST PARK n MALACCA soon,
beware...

2009-10-26T09:38:00.000+08:00

guess what I did?
I sapmmed CMX.
look,
gracci: hahas, i break record of getting past th test loh.hehe:)do i spam u?let me tink.give u 2 hints, u r my bff, so i wont bah.but then, who aks u to give me SO much touble of getting to UR blog.then i shall bah.ok, so th judge verdict is "even tough u r cute n makes me feel like cuddling u, but u caused ur kitty GREAT trouble, but then u r her best fren, and we cant possibly charged u , but hor ur kitty insisted on charging u ,how?"I oso dun noe,"Ok, this is th final, though u r cute,pretty,lame at ALL TIMES,gracci's bff n horse n property n confidante n whatever, the final is out, u r charged bcos,nope, not os she got tired f getting into ur blog, and nope not cos she hate u, n nope not cos she wanna get insurance money."but bcos, u ask her, cos gracci is ALSO AS LAME AS CMX!!!! "
lame, but pls read th EAST COAST PARK POST too, it's COOL...

2009-10-26T08:59:00.000+08:00

"Hi ya ppl,
went to EAST COAST PARK on sat(wiv parents),
hahas. spent th night there too...though a bit noisy and hot.
but still ok.
On Sat, ate dinner in the Long Beach restaurant.
ate like steaming chili crab(realised why ppl say the crab meat vry sweet)
im like so dumb, ate so many times, but nvr realised that, but now i know so still ok.
hahas.
then still got sea cucumber pot in gravy,damn nice.
stay tune, still got salad you tiao,in the whatever sweet sweet sauce.
vry vry th oishi desuyo!!!
Last but not least,
the awesome black pepper udon.
drooling liao rite?
hahas.spent like $100++
anw, we strolled the place and saw lots of tents.
also saw the water ski place.
lots of cute ang mors peeps water skiing.
damn cute but i think vry th diff.
then we were like judges standing there.
saying what "oh look the red guy finished his 9th round(Im damn awed by him cos he like so young but can do so many rounds)"
"oh the blue guy coming on show now(yipee, jian chi dao di de jing shen)"
"hey! the green person went on the board with such BEAUTIFUL grace and smoothness(though slightly older than th other two, he got th best stamina and he like damn strong and persistent,peifu peifu loh)"
all damn gd, I was like muttering luck to them,hope they can hear.lol
I was like, if i were to fall halfway thru the ski, I wld die cos i cant swim back mah...haiz.
but who cares, I cant ski anw._.
ang mor vry pro, ok? (dun listen to history on what ang mor is not invincible cos they are in a way)
oh then we saw ppl cycling, I wanna learn like in this yr.
vry th lame ba?
but then, we got to sleep.
On Sun, woke up damn the early,
walk with my mum and we walk like so far,
from the restaurant there walk to Bedok Jetty(or shld i say it's even further than that?)
anw, saw the beauty of nature and was awed AGAIN.
one side a hue of light pnk, the other side a darker shade of blue..
then planes start emerging and was like" oh, so when im on th plane, i'll pass here"
so diao, nw then know.
oh! cos u noe 5++am vry dark rite, I walk on the shore the time, Im damn scared, cos i scared I fall and drown in the waves.
I dun wanna die loh.
anw, I rly hope my frens can teach me to cycle, so frens watch out,
Gracci gonna find you SOON:)

2009-10-22T08:45:00.000+08:00

hey ppl.
looks like exams are over huh?
yea, can play,
but Grace.c says"cannot loh, got like drama, haiz"
"my social life die liao,peeps look in th newspaper hor(if got suicide case)"
hahas. juz kidding
I'm such a sunshine girl mah...cannot be like this.
I suppose I look forward to Malacca trip
I m rooming wiv Zhi Xian, and have decided to disturb Huimin n Crystal
and also gossip wiv Yee Win ...lol
whoo, its like our last yr tgther, a bit sad
nvm, shall read princess mononoke(Jap manga)
addicted liao, Crystal...

2009-09-30T08:54:00.001+08:00

well, I suppose drama's good.
went well and good, excellent...
wadever, gd luck for my JAPANESE and EOYs...
I suppose so...yea<3
so wish me luck, kay!!!
-currently humming"pretty boy"

2009-09-16T08:53:00.001+08:00

hahas.
juz finished physics exam...
set by Mr. Tan leh:)
some more quite tricky
hats off to Mr. Tan
saw u in a different light
yeah
over, now is jap oral and written exam and EOYs
telling myself to concentrate and study
hopefully...
yea and i HATE WARS
i cried yeaterday cos of the movie I saw,
u noe the pain and suuferings of losinf ur kins and starving to death.
I tell myself to cherish everything from now on
everything, I'm a lucky girl!!!

2009-08-28T15:04:00.000+08:00

Had such a hard time typing.
Haiz...
Very tired.
Oh, anw, today we were treated to free ice cream by the school.
Loves~
The ice cream damn super nice and delicious.
So nice so cold...
Wonderful...
hahas.
I got nothing to type, how?
and I'm gonna wish all teachers now a ...

"HaPpY teachers' dAy!!!"
Thanks a lot for all you have done:)

memories

2009-08-27T16:01:00.000+08:00

2day at heritage corner.
damn fun and the tour guide was like damn hilarious.
but he prob. need to improve on his dialect guessing thing.
and during th video, many peeps sleep leh.
we laugh like xiao.
and li lao shi was like saying"ben lai zuo zhi zhi de, xian zai dou wai lai wai qu, dao lai dao qu"
laughed like mad.
got so tired.
i just fall asleep in bus.
damn nice and somemore dream leh.
nice~

2009-08-25T16:28:00.000+08:00

so lonely it does seems,
as i look at my forgottten diary
that nobody had touched
and if i see you there,
tell me not of the content
and i thank you.

p.s. pls tag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-18T16:08:00.000+08:00

Rewriting of ‘I am so ordinary’ lyrics:

I really cried I moved on slowly

When I saw her figure in your warm embrace

I watched you lean forward to her face

I watched you whisper in her ear

And she is your wonder lady

And I am so ordinary

And you can use me when you want to

I know you treat me just like a substitute

She is just like me but a whit richerShe’s a pussycat and a men’s lover

And I saw her in your warm huddle

In the place I thought was meant for me

Chorus

And when your mother came to Boston you disappeared

And then I saw you three together

I guess she makes the best impressionWith her charming femininity...

Chorus

Oh but I am the one you will think when alone

And I am the one standing in when she’s gone

And so I give

So I give

I tell myself that love is truly giving

In my mind I have tried

Hoping you will understand me

Hoping you will love me back

And she is your wonder lady

And I am so ordinary

And she is your queen victoria

And Im just your morning after

And she is your luscious red rose

And I’m your forgotten potpourri

And you can lose me if you want to

And I am so ordinary

2009-08-15T08:35:00.000+08:00

みなんさん、
おはいよございます。
いま、私はさびしだね。
ここの試験は問題がじっと大変だね。
残念だね、そうだ。
でも、私はがんばてください。
はい、がんばります。
（すみません、日本語はよくないからだが。。。)
- グレース

Happy B'dae Singapore

2009-08-08T06:48:00.000+08:00

hey!
Singapore, u're 44 years old now.
how do you feel?
lol.
u got old too,anw,happy birthday.
but the most important thing is
"I love Singapore,*WHEE*"
*I can achieve, I can achieve..."

HAPPY B'DAY WH(darls)

2009-08-03T07:07:00.000+08:00

Hooooooooooo...
I cant believe dat I actually forgot to post this!!!
Ok,
Now, I officially congrats Wei Hui 14 years old liao...
hahas, ta gen wo de nian ling yi yang lo
yeah, I not the only old one(lol)
anw, rmb darls,
I noe u r reading this NOW
I mean NOW
but always be youth at heart ok
loves a lot...
wishing u a sky.avenue fr ME!!!!
-the blog owner>.<

2009-07-30T15:19:00.000+08:00

hahas lol!
I reali, reali hav nthg to do
I dun feel lyk do' anythg loh
so bored :)
read R and J, I suppose
And since esther wong requested me 2 update,
i shall and will...
>.<

2009-07-25T21:57:00.000+08:00

hahas.
I officially changed my mail to gmail.
whoo!!!
update me at myessencesky@gmail.com
seeya!!!

2009-07-11T08:11:00.000+08:00

Heard of Dan Detective School Q???

yup me!!!

2009-07-07T08:32:00.000+08:00

.The Girl Who Leapt Through Time.
"Makoto, Chaiki and Kosuke should be together forever<3"
Distinction for Grade 8 Ballet Exam!!!
Whoo!!!

2009-06-27T08:27:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey...
I'm wishing my dad a very-belated HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!
It's on the 21st of June, btw...
yup yup,
I hope that Jesus will bless him with all his blessings, mercy and protection.
And that he will know how to escape from satan...
with God's help of course.
that our family will be filled with wonderful love, care and happiness.
UNITY also play a part.
May the CHAN family of ours LONG LIVE!!!
P.S. visit www.FATHERSLOVELETTER.com
it's damn nice.>.<
Happy Father's day, dad!

Early Farewell my dear

2009-06-08T21:15:00.000+08:00

I guess I might as well say farewell.
This way, nobody would feel hurt, eh?
08/06/2009 we sold our CCOH(pearl)
well, it has a roof, 3 bathrooms, 2 storeys, 1 staircase, 1 balconly, 1 kitchen, i dining room n of course quite a number of rooms, I guess.
Yeah. It's over n I have 2 more months to grieve huh?
no, it's to enjoy th wonderful memories n scenery.
soon, I will tour in this little house of mine.
14 years I spent, 23 years my parents spent,
could not have been more wonderful.
The memories of me writing my name, playing piano, playing truant, studying, listening to songs, enjoying scenery, hamsters>.<, standing at there crying on a balconly in breezy air, n many many more all cherished with us totally, wonderfully.
What more do I expect but to let this house go.
Oh Lord Jesus,
may the angel that looked after us for so many years be happy forever.
I love you<3
Love you too, Jesus and my family.
I will never forget this evening, the tears nor the $413900 it costs.
though it might cost more than that...
lalas~
so long as everyone is happy, why not?
I can't clutch it always right?
Let it go, Grace
I keep telling myself.
I love you, my little house.
Now, I will kiss you an early farewell...
wipe your tears for memories n moments will always matter...

Night Museum

2009-06-03T21:54:00.000+08:00

today went 2 watch Night Museum @ west mall.
such a worthy show, it's not like cartoons n lame stuff,
it has true meaning in it.
saying is true: the key to happiness is doing what you love.
Hugh Grant(main actor) and the actress acting Amelia(pilot) are very xiang pei.
so yeah, damn nice.
1 hr 45 mins long.
I strongly encourage everyone(i really mean everybody) to watch.
it's NICEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Without you

2009-05-29T15:19:00.000+08:00

I really luv this song...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DboyS-OiDK4

2009-05-29T10:43:00.000+08:00

无论我有多么不舍，
也得面对现实。
how sad can I be;
sabbact is over. so fast too fast.
but 2day reali is FUN!!!
A BIG THANK YOU to all the instructors
cos u left me such wonderful memories to ponder.
I reali hope 2 meet u all in future{let fate decide it then}
LUVS~
gracci>.<

2009-05-28T10:31:00.000+08:00

I have finally sort things out.Finally.
Life arent dat bad,actually...
though I might still disagree wiv parts of it.
but yeah, it's when u see th "funness" of it. "}
anw, i feel so at ease now, not dat I just did sth wrong.
but i can "breathe" much more easier now.
so yeah.
but sabbact is still FUN n i reali hope dat it could extend longer.
normal lessons r not so preferable.
yea, dat's all.
BYESSSSS!!! >.<

2009-05-27T10:35:00.000+08:00

Why me?...
seriously, i need to sort things out...

2009-05-26T11:05:00.000+08:00

for once, school's so FUN!!!
sabbaticals r nice, trainees are damn helpful n nice{too sociable}.
everythg is so NICE.
yeah im lame, u might say.
but renewable energy is getting more fun,
not only do we get 2 experiment wiv many ex. equiments,
we learned a lot of earth-saving energy.
news filming and reportingis also very interesting.
we get 2 do filming n stuff,
damn nice.
trainee is ONE OF TH MEDIACORP NEWS REPORTER leh...
oh my,
anw, news reporting is not as easy as it seems.
we nid 2 speak damn fast,pin yin must be accurate,and so on...
all th trainee bu shi PLMJJ jiu shi SGG!!!
luvs...

2009-05-22T15:37:00.000+08:00

hahas. finally finished the whole series.
twilight
all damn nice loh.
i wanna become a GOOD VAMPIRE!!!
but it's lyk so not possible.
anw, wed(20th May) we got CSM
kay, it was hot damn hot
sweltering hot
played wiv huimin, crytal ,zhi xian n many more
but mostly MHM.
ahe very cute!!!
i manged not 2 speak 4 10 mins ++
hahas.
MHM damn pissed.
anw, i cut hair lyk last last wk...
yea.
so bye
luving u 2 bits peeps!!!
but pls tag mah...>.<

2009-05-10T23:34:00.000+08:00

2day is 10th of May 2009
a very special day is held-happy mother's day
reali it's a day we should celebrate together and rejoice
i reali thx my mum for all dat she had done for me-whether small or big
i wish my mum a happy day and may God bless her in every perfect way
dat she who fearth the Lord shall be praise
[Proverbs 31:30]
Lots of love,
amen.

2009-05-02T22:08:00.000+08:00

Hey!
long tym no see...
crazy fan of Twlight n New Moon.
OH I JUZ LUV THEM!!!
super cool.
one day hope 2 go crystal's hse n see movie.
youtube 1 not complete.
sry Prince Of Tennis, u're my 2nd hot.
peeps say i read bks damn fast,
lol...not as fast as Edward{ I suppose?}
anw, cant wait forward 2 read again

2009-04-22T14:21:00.000+08:00

Hi everyone!!!
done my ballet exam 2day.
my hair geled up totally.
super NEAT!!!quoted by lots of friends.
exam was not bad, did my best.
hk examiner was professional
but quite stern-looking.
she's nice.
I was lyk sweating a lot n
ballet teacher and mum used LOTS of tissues to help me wipe the sweat.
SOORY TREES...
reali sry.
seriously.
glad dat there was no mistake at all.
reali glad.
so yeah...my post shall end.
P.S: Prince of Tennis still CAPTIVATED me.>.<

2009-04-06T21:56:00.000+08:00

Hahas

yoyoyoyo!!!!

went touring in dat comfy car of mine.

so long ever since i did dat...lalas~

anw...its super th cool(as in windy)

listening 2 FM93.3 th songs created such an atmosphere.

looking at ppl thru windscreen, felt super th mature

juz lyk Scout...prob. TKAM affected me a lot a lot

its damn nice...until u analyse it wld u see th point th author is trying 2 show...

1st tym typing @ nite cos im th only 1 using com...

whoots

luv peifen n jiafa...

seem lyk a perfect couple dun u tink

anw, see ya n gd luck 2 me all th way leh

heh...signing off...

bye bye!!!

P.S: Prince Of Tennis is super th nice...